So today is the day. It feels a bit anticlimatic. Normally I'm pretty upset when I go into the RE for the beta, knowing what the outcome will be and holding back tears until I can get back to my car. But I was completely fine and even joked around with the nurses this morning.
I'll probably get the call when we're on the road. Not sure if I really need to ask anything - normally I'd ask about scheduling the next cycle, what went wrong, etc. So maybe instead I'll let them leave a simple voicemail. Negative.
And not sure if I mentioned this earlier, but we did decide to skip the other FET down here even though it might take some time to start cycling up in NYC. We'd rather just save the money for a cycle that is more likely to work. So our three little frosties will sit in the tank until we figure out what we want to do with them.
And I guess I need to figure out some logistics. Will I need someone down here for some monitoring? Would my RE do it? I'm pretty sure he'd be pissed if I went somewhere else locally, but what if I'm going out of town. Would he be OK with that? I really hope they will do it because I really like the whole staff and will miss going there. :(
I was going to say something like "it's my alma mater so I just HAVE to go there". Think he'd buy that? Speaking of which, I wonder if TopNYCDoc will give me an alum discount? ;)
Anyway off to finish packing and hopefully will have IF off of my mind soon! Back on Monday!
Friday, September 29, 2006
So today is the day. It feels a bit anticlimatic. Normally I'm pretty upset when I go into the RE for the beta, knowing what the outcome will be and holding back tears until I can get back to my car. But I was completely fine and even joked around with the nurses this morning.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Another HPT this morning and...another BFN. And I started spotting very lightly (which I never do on PIO/suppositories). :(
DH and I talked more last night and he's fully supportive of whatever I want to do for our upcoming cycles -- he just doesn't want to spend the next five years doing IVF. That works for me! So we're good. And we are adjusting some of our financial plans to prepare for more cycles as well (helps now that the TH is sold!). I am curious about insurance coverage available with DH's new job (my coverage was zapped earlier this year) -- it would be out-of-network since this place doesn't really take many insurances, but any kind of coverage would be nice. Need him to get a copy of the benefits details...
AND I was able to get a much earlier appointment with another RE at the same practice. So I'm heading up to NYC next Friday!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!! So hopefully we'll be able to get in one more cycle in this year! I enjoyed working with my RE down here, but I think it's time for the big guns.
We just decided to bring some yummy red wine that we've been saving for a while (from our Italy trip) to our little vacation with friends this weekend...just to make it a little festive.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Last night the acupuncturist took my pulse and say "Oh! you have a very clear rolling pulse so you are definitely pregnant (!)...............or have some kind of phlegm issue, like a stomach ache" Um yeah, my stomach was bothering me all day, thanks.
And I didn't POAS again this morning as planned and immediately regretted it after I started peeing. I really, really, really hope that my HPT from yesterday was wrong (but I know it's not). Anyway I'm all out of my good HPTs - only a stinkin' digital left and I will only use that again when I know I'm PG. I hate the very clear message "NOT PREGNANT". Yeah, thanks. So maybe I need to run out and get a couple FRERs to torture myself...
DH and I had an interesting discussion last night. If this FET doesn't work he was saying that he doesn't have the energy to do a lot more cycles. And I'm ready to keep on going until I've exhausted all avenues. So we have a little discrepancy in what we want to do. I can see his point because we have had our lives in limbo for a couple of years now and it'd be nice to feel like we're "living" again.
But I'm a little annoyed because if I knew that earlier I might have been more aggressive about this cycle - e.g., done the Intralipids...pushed for the steroids. Things that we discussed and decided together that we can push for in future cycles. So if we have a limited number of cycles that puts the pressure on, huh?
So we might just skip a final FET down here and really just focus on cycling up in NYC once or twice (yikes). So given how long I'll have to wait for my initial consult up there (November) I probably won't be cycling again until early 2007 because I know they close down in December. So with the cancellations & delays & a mini-break we only had three attempts this whole entire year.
I could theoretically get in on a cancellation slot sooner. But before that can happen I also need to send up CD2 bloodwork from a non-medicated cycle. So we'd have to take a month off of all meds so I can do the bloodwork (putting us into late October). And then I can try to get a cancellation spot. Which is only a week or two before my currently scheduled appt so that doesn't buy us much. And I'm assuming that some of my tests have "expired" so I'll need to redo some things. And if we do something like co-culturing that would take up another cycle as well.
So I guess I'm kinda pissy today because I am impatient and frustrated that it takes so f'in long to cycle. And then when we do cycle, it doesn't work. I hate IF.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Today has been a productive day! I've somehow managed to get some work done (gasp) AND I made some progress on "plan B":
- scheduled follow-up with my Endo (Levoxyl rx is running out)
- scheduled appt with TopNYCDoc for early November (sooner if I get all of my records up there - and there is a cancellation)
- organized a copy of my records (except for latest FET) for TopNYCDoc; it's ready to send!!
- requested copy of my HSG; it is waiting at radiology at our hospital for me to pick up tonight (I'm surprised just how easy that was to order!); this is needed for TopNYCDoc
- ordered NK Panel + APA tests from Millenova (will do it early next week)
Am I better at being a non-pregnant IFer? Seems like I just *know* how to do it and I'm good at it. Not sure how I'd handle ever being PG -- I'd have have no clue what to do!! ;)
And here is my HSG pic!! I've *never* seen this before (one good reason to get copies of your records)! Are the thicker parts of the end of my fallopian tubes normal? (hope the link works - it's hard to blog on a Mac)
I think I'll do another FET (natural?) down here while waiting to get consults with some other docs. And I'll get the steroids (finally) and also do the Intralipids in Chicago for fun for that.
I do have some weird sense of focus and clarity - which is odd for me so early in the morning. But I feel like I can focus on some other life priorities today and not be so distracted by Friday's beta (which was ALL I could think about yesterday). And by some miracle I still could end up with a different beta results (possible late implanters from FET)....but that is just sooooo f'in unlikely.
I still think I might puke though -- maybe it was the frozen spanikopita I ate last night? Yuck!
And I think I am developing a dog foot fetish...Maggie must think I'm a freak for photographing her paws so much. :)
Monday, September 25, 2006
Had my last luteal bloodwork today - both went down but the nurse said they are still fine and it's typical for them to fluctuate so no need to adjust meds:
E2 = 300
P4 = 29
current plans for the week are:
9/26 - acupuncture & finish a couple urgent tasks at work (last potential productive day)
9/27 - POAS (11dp3dt)
9/28 - acupuncture
9/29 - beta (13dp3dt) & leave for vacation with friends
9/31 - massage with girlfriends
I had a pretty emotional day - mostly not TTC/IF related...although that is really always there in the background, right? So overall I'm feeling pretty crappy and I'm dreading the news later this week.
Going to cuddle up with Maggie & DH and watch a movie tonight for a little escape...
Sunday, September 24, 2006
So in less than 5 days I will KNOW if this FET worked or not. I have been thinking about "plan B" in case I do get a BFN - which is the likely scenario.
- drink lots of wine & eat lots of unhealthy food on our trip next weekend
- meet with RE and see if he has any brilliant ideas
- see if he will do a lap (to rule out endo)
- probably FET our last 3 embryos while waiting for other appts
- schedule consult with top NYC doc
- schedule phone consult with CA doc who specializes in immunity issues
- do a sauna detox program (acu clinic just started them)
- start intensive excercise & diet (OK - I say this after each BFN but I really mean it!)
I'm torn about POAS before the beta (on 13dp3dt). I definitely will before the blood test because I want to be prepared for the phone call. But do I wait all of the way until Friday? My "rule" is wait until 11dp3dt (Wed) because by then it should be pretty clear one way or another. But then again I love to break rules. So I'm left with a question - when should I test? I would have to go into knowing that my little la-la-la fantasy is likely to be over...and I'm not quite ready for that.
Maybe I'll just focus on sending Serenity some positive thoughts for her soon-to-be-thawed embryos!! :)
Friday, September 22, 2006
The TH is sold and now officially off of our list of worries!! Phewwwww!! Not sure if we'll do another residential investment property after this, but we did learn a lot. It's just a huge relief to not have to deal with it anymore!!! It seems that all of the issues hanging over our heads a few months ago keep getting resolved. Still don't know what will happen with our biggest issue (IF), but if we did get PG this cycle then we'll be beyond estatic. I can't even think of a word that expresses how happy & relieved we would be.
So I am 6dp3dt (3w2d) and feeling NO symptoms from the PIO or Estrace. Not a single cramp. Boobs feel underinflated. Stomach doesn't feel bloated. Nothing. Nada.
Well I do have one issue. It appears that I had some kind of reaction to the PIO. The side of my butt/hip that we did three mornings ago started to feel really really itchy yesterday. And when I got home and looked in the mirror I realized it was really red & raised up and also had a big blister. So we've been skipping that side now -- it seems a little better today but still itchy. The other side seems OK so we'll keep abusing it for now. Anyone experience something this? I haven't and this is the third cycle we've used it...
Anyway I wouldn't expect a lot of symptoms from the natural FET but do expect something from the PIO/Estrace in the 2WW...
Acu tomorrow and bloodwork on Monday.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Dinner was nice. I was a big idiot though and didn't read the menu closely. NOT a good thing to do at a seafood restaurant when you have shellfish allergies. So I had to send my dinner back and ask for a less-deadly version. Ooops! But the waiter was super nice and even gave us little anniversary gift at the end (a mug, copy of the special anniversary menu - thanks for reminding me of my error, and also a box of yummy cookies!).
Last night we also watched our wedding DVD and laughed at ourselves for looking like goofballs. And I want to go through our honeymoon pics tonight!!
I love the leather frame and briefcase ideas (esp. for DH's new job!)! And we came up with two other ideas last night. DH said he found a leather map that looked cool (for our subtle travel-inspired living room). And we have been drooling over a leather armchairs for years now so we're thinking about getting rid of our TV in the living room and putting a nice chair/ottoman in its place. So I think we're going to go shopping for our gifts together this weekend. :)
just for kicks here is my fav wedding pic (which somehow reminds me of Renoir's dancers):
and where I'd love to be right now -- relaxing on our honeymoon in Greece:
We did our PIOs before bed for our two previous cycles. But when we first started doing them for this FET the morning was better for us schedule-wise and we've stuck with it. It's actually how the nurses say to do them. And it's turned out to be much easier because we're not too tired in the AM.
After yesterday's hormone check (E2 = 363; P4 = 40) they asked me to bump up Estradiol to 3x per day (6 pills today). My pill box is going to explode!
Here is the new med schedule spread out throughout the day:
Levoxyl (1 hour before food)
antibiotic (with breakfast but with no other pills)
2 Estradiol, prenatal, 3 fish oil, CoQ10
antibiotic (with dinner but with no other pills)
2 Estradiol, prenatal, 3 fish oil, Vitamin E, Vitamin C, baby aspirin
I wrote up a little schedule to remind myself!
La la la...still pregnant until proven otherwise...and just to really play it out I plugged in some dates into a due date calculator - it said I am theoretically 3w1d today and due on 6/6/07. And heartbeat could first be detected on 10/18/06. La la la...I can't heeeeear you, reality!!!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Today our embyros (if they are still alive) are 1 week old. They are hopefully hatching and starting to think about implanting in the next day or two. Maybe if I'm polite to them, they will stick around?
So we are having an anniversary dinner tonight (I borrowed the restaurant idea from SoCo!). The first in our restaurant celebration marathon...we've picked out a few different places that we either really like or want to try and we're going to hit them over the next week or so. Good thing because I haven't felt like cooking much in the past few days.
DH and I were talking about leather gifts last night -- it's tough! Any suggestions? I really don't want a purse (yes - I'm not a normal girl); he doesn't need a wallet. Are shoes too unromantic? That was the only thing we came up with so far (DH is on a shoe kick right now after our Nordstrom's shopping day out in Seattle). And I won't even mention what DH really wanted to get! ;)
So I'm getting practically no work done today. Unlike Smarshy's high brain-power work environment the illusion here is that people only do about 10% of work and spend 90% of their time making it LOOK like they're getting something done. ;) Which is good for me on days like this but not good when I do care about work. Maybe I should go back to consulting after all...
Would it be weird to put the pic of our embryos on the back of my work badge? People around here do that with pics of their kids and dogs. And probably weirder if I put together a brag book with all of our embryo pics to show them off.
"Here was the very first batch of embies: A, B, and C. Think they look like me or DH? Aren't they so cute? And here is G, H, I, and J. I love their dimples - errr wait - that's fragmentation. Awwww - but I love them anyway."
I have to admit that I HAVE been carrying around our little pic of the embryos, BUT I've kept it hidden and only peek at it every now & then. ;)
So I still am floating around in this little bubble of hope & pretending like I'm 2.5w PG. I think I just really really needed to feel happy for a little while. So I'm going to pretend while I can...
My acu session was nice last night -- completely different set of points now (I think heart and gall bladder to keep everything in & strong?). And I can't get out of there without falling asleep. It's actually more like half-sleeping.
And I'm wondering if my warm & fuzzy feeling is because we're doing the PIO shots in the morning now? On previous cycles we've always done them in the evenings... Just a theory...
Anyway, off to buy an anniversary card -- and I will refrain from signing it "spark + G/H/I/J"...
Monday, September 18, 2006
"Women are like tea bags. They don't know how strong they are until they get into hot water."
This is by far my favorite quote of all time...and I've discovered it under the caps of the two Honest Teas that I had over this past week weekend. I also included this quote on the invitation to a ladies tea that I hosted prior to our wedding. It was a little non-traditional - I hosted it at a Chinese tea house (Ching Ching Cha in Georgetown for anyone in the area). Anyway, that quote (and jasmine oolong tea) will always remind me of that special time with all of the woman in my family & close female friends.
Well so far I'm really enjoying the 2WW - strange I know. But I'm just loving the possibilities right now. 99% of the year I feel like it can't/won't happen...but now I can think that it might! I'm going to ignore that I have next week's beta hanging over my head and I just want to enjoy these days where I really really might be PG and still have HOPE. And keeping that hope is the main reason why I won't POAS too too early. I've done that on earlier cycles and felt prematurely robbed of my happiness.
So I'm going to keep the hope and enjoy some of the upcoming celebrations this week:
1. Today my husband is accepting an incredible job offer. It's with a highly respected company in his industry, it's about a mile from our house (along with minimal travel - which is great for consulting), and it's nice pay increase. So yay, yay, yay! He's been with his current employer for over 10 years so this is a big step for him. And I love seeing him excited about this opportunity.
2. Wednesday is our 3rd anniversary. On this very day (9/18) three years ago Hurricane Isabel was hitting the DC area and I was very nervous about what was going to happen with our wedding. We were fortunate that our wedding location -- and tea house and RD location -- all didn't lose power!! DH had to get ready via candlelight because our TH (we were living there at that time) still didn't have power, but he didn't cut himself shaving or anything so it was fine. And all of our friends who were flying in were able to make it -- some had to be rerouted but everyone showed up in the end! So we feel very fortunate that we had such a wonderful day despite the hurricane.
Thanks to squarepeg for noting down that leather is the traditional gift for 3rd anniversaries! Now I just need to think of a good gift!!
3. Friday we are closing on the townhouse. It has been on the market for a looong time and we're happy to be done with that. We'll take the money and run! Not carrying a second mortgage will feel oh so nice to our saving account...which has been feeling mightly neglected lately.
4. Saturday is my 34th birthday! I'm wondering if I'll get pregnant after I reach "advanced maternal age" (35). I also wonder if we would have babies already if we met & got married much younger. And then I think of how immature I was and I probably would have been a jerk to DH back then. He is a sweetheart and back then I was attracted to the asshole type.
So I guess we better make some dinner plans to celebrate soon!!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
I am amazed at just how little I feel after the ET. I guess with fresh IVF cycles my ovaries are still all jacked up causing some twinges...but I feel absolutely nothing going on down there after our FET. It's actually a nice calmness. I had some crampiness for about a week leading up to the ET but now it's all quiet. Maybe it was the acu? Maybe the valium & motrin? Anyway, I'm enjoying it. :)
I had an OhShit! moment last night when I thought about the possibility of all four embryos implanting. I know it's highly highly unlikely, but it is a possibility. But I have the feeling that in addition to our implantation issues (NKCs, LPD, thyroid, etc.) that our embies are also chromosomally-challenged (aneuploid).
They just don't look all that great.
Instead of this perfect 8-cell example:
We have these embryos that only a mother could love:
So that's the situation. If we have any implant at all I'll be estatic (beyond estatic). And if too many implant, then we'll have to deal with that when the time comes. But for now I'm just hoping for ANY!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Nick and I were joking around that I need to wear around one of those obnoxious yellow "baby on board" signs now. ;)
Today went very smoothly -- my first acupuncture session (and valium) made me very very relaxed. And the second acu session turned me into jelly.
So they thawed the two double straws and all four embyros survived. They were each 8-cells before freezing. And seemed to recover fairly well from the thaw (1 did really well, 2 did fine, and one clung on). There were two grade 1.5s and two grade 2s.
# cells when thawed -> # cells at transfer
8 -> 9
6 -> 8
6 -> 8
3 -> 6
We debated on whether to transfer 3 vs. 4 with the RE and the embryologist. Given that we've been aggressive in the past with zero luck (0 for 6) we decided to transfer all 4. The RE said "After all of my experience I'd say there is no way you'd end up with 4. And if you end up with 4 then I'll quit. OK I won't really quit but I'll think that I should quit." Anyway it was really funny. (it was the other RE who is really, really funny)
So welcome to our babies on board: G, H, I, J
Hope you stick around for the full ride!!!
(I'll scan in the pic when I wake up a bit more)
Friday, September 15, 2006
I can't believe our transfer is TOMORROW!! I'm so nervous/excited!! I did just get an acupuncture treatment (with spinal heat packs) to calm me down. I feel alseep on the table it was so relaxing. I woke myself up when I started snoring - oops! Thank you allergies!
So we've been doing the PIO for a couple of days now -- and we've been slackers about it. In previous cycles we had an extensive routine for prepping & minimizing soreness. This time we just wing it and I've been noticing a difference - my tush/hip is already sore. Guess I better start getting back into the routine -- especially using the heating pad and heating up the PIO first.
I also started doxy and estradiol today. The number of pills I'm taking right now is ridiculous!! Although today is my last day for a few things...
Since I got a copy of my records after IVF#2 I have some notes on our frozen embryos. It's been five months and I can't wait to "see" them again. There are (7) 8-cell embryos that are held on (5) different straws -- so (2) doubles and (3) singles. Five are rated 1.5 and two are 2. I'm hoping the embryologist is a tough grader (they did saw that they are strict with what they freeze). :
Guess I should have asked more about the thaw process -- I assume they start in the AM -- according to this sheet they will use the Biogenics A2 method. Hope that's a good one. :)
And my transfer got pushed back until 10:30 - which is good because it gives me more time to take a shower & go to the acupuncturist.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
The system board on my laptop died last night and I won't get a loaner until tomorrow (hopefully)...so I spent almost all day OFFline... It was a very odd feeling.
Anyway, I'll catch up tomorrow when I get access again!
Off to do our first PIO for this cycle!! And my acupuncturist is really kicking it into gear now! :)
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I've been working on this post for a week or so...Serenity's 100 gave me inspiration to finish it up...
1. I had a hard time thinking of a blog name.
2. I searched high and low for a wise quote for inspiration.
3. Instead of finding inspiration from a great philosopher or leader, I found inspiration in Robin Williams (yes, Mork/Mrs. Doubtfire)
4. But the quirkiness suits me.
5. I hate shopping - especially at the mall. Not that I don't enjoy spending money…
6. I have always felt more comfortable with guy friends instead of girl friends.
7. Even my best girl friends have had typical "guy" qualities (really enjoy being single & picking up guys at a bar, electronics guru, very bold, very successful in a male-dominated industry, etc.).
8. I never felt out of place as a female engineering student in college and grad school.
9. For some reason I liked the extra geeky classes, thermo & stats.
10. Even today, I get a thrill out of geeky things at work like Excel & Powerpoint.
11. I work for a large financial company now, but felt more at home working for a small internet startup.
12. I even played Age of Empires with the geeky startup engineers. And loved it. (how embarrassing)
13. I loved playing lacrosse back in HS and college more. I miss team sports.
14. And I still love skiing and sailing today.
15. I feel so alive with the wind in my hair.
16. And feel great peace with the sound of moving water (e.g. stream, filling bath, waves).
17. I take my dog for hikes off leash to a stream near our house. It is peaceful until you go under the GW Parkway. But it does have a nice view of the Potomac.
18. I love the smell of my dog. Even when she gets that doggy dog smell.
19. Dog hair doesn't bother me. On my clothes. On the floor. On the bed. Doesn’t matter.
20. But then again, I am a slob.
21. I occasionally do have freakishly OCD organizational spurts.
22. I joined a sorority to try to have more girl friends. It was not a typical catty sorority though.
23. My biological sister and I aren't very close. We have a difficult time relating to each other.
24. My parents were hippies when we were young.
25. If I was born a boy they would have named me Oblio, after the main character in the hippie movie The Point!
26. Then my parents were yuppies when we got older. They were much less interesting & much less happy then.
27. They divorced around 10 years ago after about 30 years of marriage.
28. Now they are getting back to their free-spirit ways and seem much much happier.
29. I am intrigued by the simple living concept (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simple_living), but I'm much too lazy to ever do it seriously.
30. We have 5 refrigerators and 7 TVs in our house right now. I don’t think we’re ready for Simple Living at the moment.
31. I try to eat organic food whenever possible.
32. My acupuncturist is also guiding me in choosing Eastern balanced foods (e.g., good mix of salty, sweet, hot, sour, etc.).
33. My downfall is that I really, really love Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie ice cream.
34. We visited the B&J Factory when we were in Vermont last year.
35. We rented a cabin in Stowe, VT for a dog-friendly vacation.
36. My simple living fantasy is based in Vermont. Or Italy.
37. Two years ago we rented a villa in Chianti/Tuscany and invited some friends & family.
38. I am extremely afraid of spiders. The biggest, fastest spider in the world lived in our villa.
39. I love a great Brunello. Or Super Tuscan.
40. After the startup company went under, I spent a couple months with friends in Europe.
41. We were on a ferry to Mallorca on 9/11 - we watched the tragic news in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish so it was very confusing.
42. I was with friends from Manhattan & LA and at that time it was publicized that there were attacks in NYC, DC, and LA – so we all thought our home towns were being attacked.
43. For the rest of the trip we pretended like we were Canadians. Eh?
44. I LOVE traveling.
45. I used to travel a lot for work as an IT consultant.
46. But traveling for work Monday through Friday to a boring town in the middle of nowhere is not so much fun.
47. So I quit that job about 5 years ago. And just finished up the last of my beloved frequent flyer miles for our trip to Seattle this summer.
48. My all-time favorite mountain for skiing is Alta. And Snowbird next door for snowboarding.
49. At my startup I was the PM for the SLC Winter Olympics website.
50. My husband and I went to The Winter Games and had a great time.
51. My husband even proposed on that trip.
52. We still have a brick with our names on it in SLC. "N & K, Vous et nul Autre"
53. Our wedding ceremony was on a rooftop overlooking the White House.
54. It was two days after Hurricane Isabel struck DC. Since the power was still out at home my husband got ready for our wedding by candlelight.
55. I am not religious and am shocked at the intolerance demonstrated by some religions.
56. I guess I don't really believe in religions because men created them all. Why is one person's interpretation of "the rules" any more correct than someone else's?
57. I do deeply believe in honesty and integrity and feel deeply offended when those values are broken.
58. I also believe in keep right, pass left and feel deeply offended when that rule is broken.
59. I grew up in New Jersey. Exit 4. Spent all of my summers on the beach.
60. I went to elementary school, middle school, and high school with Kelly Ripa (she was 1 year ahead of me).
61. I went to college in New York State in the Finger Lakes area.
62. I went sky diving in college.
63. I am vertically challenged.
64. I love Jane Austen - in particular Pride & Prejudice. I even took a literature class covering her books at Georgetown last year.
65. I am a pizza slut - I'll eat any kind, anywhere, any time. Cold NY style is the best.
66. My first concert was A-Ha in Philly.
67. I played many instruments in junior high & high school, including bass guitar.
68. I recently started to learn to play acoustic guitar...mostly to play our wedding processional Vivaldi's Guitar Concerto in D.
69. I love craft projects.
70. Currently I'm collecting knitting supplies. It's scary how many needles and yarns I have given that I haven't finished a project yet.
71. By nature I am an ESTP. But my job brings out the N and J in me by necessity.
72. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
73. I do want to open a wine / gelato bar. Maybe I'd serve paninis and wood-oven pizzas too.
74. Autumn is my favorite season (my birthday is the official start).
75. I love the crisp, aromatic air.
76. Most of the year I love lattes (sometimes iced), but in the fall I have to go for chai tea lattes.
77. I love playing hearts & spades.
78. I am VERY competitive, especially with games.
79. Not sure why but I am usually disgusted by weakness & neediness (one of my biggest faults).
80. Growing up I was fiercely independent (even as a toddler according to my parents).
81. I am also very impatient.
82. I broke my leg skiing in 2nd grade because I was trying too hard to cut across a trail.
83. I have been extremely healthy throughout most of my life.
84. Ironically I used to be very proud of my strong immune system.
85. Now I despise it (I have elevated natural killer cells that might be attacking our embryos).
86. My mom breastfed me until I was 18 months. And I wonder if that was why my immune system was so strong.
87. I have always owned a Honda/Acura (and so has my family). Now I want an impractical/unreliable/unsafe little roadster. Something likely to break down.
88. My husband and I built a home theater in our basement.
89. We are not really into movies.
90. But I love classic movies. And cheezy 80s movies.
91. I am very out of shape right now – too many “good excuses” at the moment to eat better and workout more.
92. Food is one of my key methods to deal with stress and depression right now.
93. I used to like my food baby – it was almost like having a PG belly. But now it just seems gross.
94. I really like Pilates once I start. The inertia is hard to overcome.
95. I am a night owl and have the most energy/focus between 12-3am.
96. But I can sleep like a log.
97. My drink of the summer was a gin & tonic - so refreshing!
98. I drank way too much in my mid-20s. I don’t think my liver has forgiven me yet.
99. My tolerance is so low these days I get drunk off of just one and end up with a horrible hangover.
100. I wish that I had a really great excuse to NOT drink right now.
So I triggered last night about 30 seconds before we left to go to the Redskins game. Our friends were actually waiting downstairs for us when we did it and our dog was bouncing around on the bed. DH is such a pro with a steady hand that I didn't even feel it at all!
We tailgated and had fun with our friends...but I am not a fan of all of the drunken freaks and second-hand smoke. I'm lobbying to go to fewer games next year and do club level. ;)
Anyway I'll start PIO (AM) and suppositories (PM) on Wednesday. Then go back in on Friday for bloodwork. And then Saturday morning is the big day! Our embryo transfer is currently scheduled for 9:30am but that will get pushed back if the RE needs to do any time-sensitive retrievals. I'm turning into a valium junkie and can't wait to take it!! :P
I was planning to host a wine club event at my house on Saturday, but now I'm thinking I need to postpone it. At first I thought I could ask my DH and the co-host to handle most everything (so I could lounge around), but it's probably better to postpone it. Although I can't really do it until October...
And my beta will probably be scheduled for 9/30, but we'll be out of town -- debating whether to push it earlier (and risk being sad for our mini-vacation with friends) or wait until after the trip (which is really really late 17dp3dt)...
Monday, September 11, 2006
Looks like my ovaries partied it up over the weekend and now I have nice big fat 19mm follicle!! And my lining looked "gorgeous" - triple stripe & 11+mm. When the RE saw my lining he got all excited and said "I want to get those embryos in there RIGHT NOW!"
Anyway the RE thinks we'll trigger tonight!!!! I stopped by the pharmacy on the way to work to get a refill. And depending what time we need to do it we might need to bring it with us to the football game tonight. :)
So I *think* that I'll be starting some form of progesterone in the next day or two and the transfer will be 4.5 days after the trigger (our frozen embryos are 3 day). I'm assuming I'll get more details with my phone call this afternoon.
And my emotional rollercoaster reached a new peak - I was so overcome by my feelings of HOPE that I cried on the way to the pharmacy. This might actually work!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
No more hives -- ended up taking Benadryl at work because I was so itchy.
My follicles are a teeny tiny bit bigger -- I now have a 13mm & 14mm...and my lining is like 8.1mm or something like that... RE is still optimistic but my doubts grow each day (unlike my follicles). Also I've been having menstrual-like cramping for the past couple of days. That concerns me as well.
Just realized that I don't have an hCG shot on hand so I'll need to ask for a script for that.
Oh and the granite does not look that good. I compromised when I picked out the slab -- I chose convenience over what I really wanted and now I'm going to have to live with the wrong choice now. I'm angry at myself about it and out of that DH and I just got in a big fight about it.
I also read The Infertility Cure book a little more today and now I'm wondering if my TCM herbs were keeping me from suppressing on the Lupron? She's not adjusting my herbs as much as the book indicates (e.g., with each phase of my cycle). So now I'm doubting my acupuncturist and the herbalist...
So here I am now -- a big mess of anger/frustration/sadness -- all mixed into one. I don't feel like going grocery shopping or cooking. I don't feel like going for a hike with my dog. I don't really feel like doing much at all right now. Ugh...
**** update ****
Apparently I'm an emotional mess these days. Sometime about going to the RE makes me nuts. Anyway after a nice cry session I'm back to normal now. And I'm looking forward to cooking, hiking, etc. And hubbie and I are friends again...we're actually going to go grocery shopping together now.
I'm also going to start asking for the hormone levels -- E2 = 119; P4 = .5
And I go back in on Monday.
Friday, September 08, 2006
I woke up this morning with a hives all over my body and phlegm in the back of my throat - and I can't clear it out. It makes me wonder if something is happening with immune system right now? Are they related? I wonder if I should get my NKs rechecked again...
Anyway, this is all overshadowed by the fact that today is FRIDAY! TGIF!!!!!!!!!
This weekend we have some fun stuff planned:
- RE appt (maybe not "fun" but interesting)
- acupuncture / Qi Gong session
- make moussaka for a GTG for a TTC board (haven't made it in a long time! gotta remember how to sweat those eggplants!)
- meet people from TTC board (little nervous meeting them in person -- I'm very shy at first)
- get granite installed in basement
- finish the doors/drawer fronts for the cabinets
- prep for Monday night football/tailgate (it's been a while so we'll have to dig out all of our supplies)
Off to research allergies...
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Well my ovaries aren't nearly as happy as they were on Lupron - it's CD11 and I still don't have a dominant follicle... And this AM it looked like I had less # of follicles than 2 days ago...and my largest ones don't seem any bigger (12-13mm)... My lining did get a little thicker (8mm).
Funny because last night I had a dream that we got pregnant and woke up all hopeful and positive about this cycle. I think I was actually smiling on my way over to the RE's office.
Easy come, easy go.
Wow - that was a little melodramatic, huh? I should NOT post immediately when I get back from the RE's office. There still is hope of course, but I wish my ovaries would kick in a bit right now!
I go back on Saturday (CD13) again for another look.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
These natural FETs are almost...boring...compared to a fresh or even medicated cycle. I went in again today (CD9) for another peek. I have a few follicles that are starting to grow (between 11-13) and my lining is looking good (7).
And there's really nothing for me to do except to wait and then go back in for another visit in a few days. No adjustments to meds. Hey - no meds! No needles. Lots of pills but that's my own choice (fish oils + baby aspirin + prenatals + COQ10). I don't have to write anything down on a calendar. I really don't need to do anything at all.
I'm not really complaining - it's just that I don't know what to do with myself. Normally all of my energy would be focused on planning out my shots & making lots of notes about how my follicles are doing. But now I have all of this extra mental energy. Maybe I need a hobby or something. :)
Given that our latest home project (finishing the bar in the basement) is almost done AND my big work project is over -- I'm really going to have a lot of time on my hands.
What should I do with my fall? Here is my latest list of what I'd like to do...
- take sailing lessons with DH (I've been sailing since I was a kid but he is a newbie - thought it'd be a nice refresher for me & a good start for him)
- take a photography class (I think I'm finally getting a digital SLR for my b-day -- it'd be nice to know how to use it)
- finish a knitting project -- I have a few that needs some TLC
- actually attend my bookclub!
- start playing my guitar again - or should I say "playing"
- take an agility class with our dog
- adopt a second dog
- plan out our ski trip & Greece trip for next year
- go camping with friends
- try some new restaurants
- have a partay in our new basement
- organize our photos (physically & electronically)
- host our wine club (this is already planned)
Notice the blatant lack of IF-related activities. No researching new theories on implantation failure. No additional controversial testing.
I'm going to try to enjoy the free time as much as possible!!
Monday, September 04, 2006
I was pleasantly surprised at yesterday's RE appt. I went in expecting that my body was still misbehaving and I'd just get cancelled again. But my ovaries have calmed down and everything looked like it should for early part of the cycle. So I go back in again tomorrow (Tuesday, CD9) for another peek.
Glad to be in the game at least!
Friday, September 01, 2006
...and I love long weekends...and I love taking off Fridays...so I'm feeling pretty good right about now. AND I'm not feeling nearly as sorry for myself today. :) I'm still doubtful about the cycle, but we'll just wait to see how things look on Sunday.
I've given up on my anti-inflammatory diet for this cycle -- too many of my fav comfort foods were on my no-no list. But I'm still taking my supplements (now ramped up to 3g of fish oil) and my acupuncturist just gave a jacked up dose of herbs.
So this weekend I'm going to refocus my energies on finishing up our bar in the basement. I actually just picked out the granite this AM - fun! And then next week I'm going to try to dive into my new job. Let's see if distract myself with some everyday life activities.
September will be filled with other distractions as well. My birthday (34th I think?). Our anniversary (3rd). Trip to St. Michael's with friends. Settle on townhouse. Dog sit for a friend. The official start of my fav season.