Monday, October 02, 2006

BFN

On Friday as we were heading out of town I did get the call from the RE. BFN. I actually just let him leave a message because we were in the car with friends. He said he's not sure why it didn't work but we can talk more in person to determine next steps. I'll probably do that next week when I have some time.

I was only a minor mess over the weekend -- a bit depressed after an extended discussion with the girls about pregnancies and Clomid and IUIs. I didn't share any of my experiences (too close to the surface) but I was quite the expert on the details. One of the other women has been trying for #2 for "a while now" and is exploring her options because she wants to be PG by the end of the year. I didn't even comment on that, but I did smile a bit remembering back when I thought we had some sense of control over the whole thing.

Anyway it was a nice weekend with friends. Nice to feel normal (with the exception of that painful conversation). And I was fascinated with the beautiful sunrises (which is odd because I'm NOT a morning person in any way).

I got back to some very bad news about my grandmother. She has been feeling very off over the past couple of months and just went in for some extensive tests. Turns out to be cancer of everything (lungs, lymph nodes, etc.). Wow. It hasn't really sunk in yet. I'm expecting it to hit me hard - she is my last grandparent and I am fairly close to her (much more so than my other grandparents). For now we are planning to head up in a couple of weeks for a little visit.

So in the mean time we'll continue pushing ahead up with IVF#3 up in NYC...and see if we need to take a break if it seems too difficult emotionally down the line.


8 comments:

Southern Comfortable said...

Oh, spark. I'm so sorry-- about everything. The BFN, your grandma-- it all sucks. I'm glad you had a relatively normal weekend away, but still. It's all so unfair.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry. I hope that you have a nice visit with your Grandmother.

One Mother's Journey said...

I'm so sorry.

serenity said...

Spark. I am so sorry on so many levels - for the BFN, for your grandmother, for the fact that you are the expert at conversations and know that we really have NO control over all of this. Huge hugs and much love to you.

The pictures of the sunrises are beautiful.

Hopeful Mother said...

Spark - I'm sorry about the negative. Even though you knew it was coming, it still sucks. I'm also sorry about your grandma - I hope you have a fulfilling visit with her and some clarity on your options for #3 in NYC.

Thinking of you!

SmarshyBoy said...

Spark, I'm so terribly sorry about your BFN, and of course about your Grandmother as well. I hope you get to spend some quality time with her.

Christy2262 said...

I'm so sorry for your BFN, your grandmother and the fact that you're dealing with this in the first place. I hope your trip to NYC brings a new dimension to your treatment. Hugs to you and Nick.

-M said...

Oh sweetie, my heart aches for you on so many levels. I hope you get good news in NY and the ending you so richly deserve.