Monday, November 20, 2006

CD9 - emotional mess

My emotions are all over the place right now and I even had a mini breakdown at the RE's office today over something very stupid.

Last night my RE called with my results and said he wanted to do my u/s himself today (normally it rotates across several docs) and I should get there by 7:30am. Cool. So I wake up feeling rested and excited to see my RE (I really heart him). The traffic cop at my corner says "good morning, beautiful!" which makes me smile. I get the feeling he says that to anyone with boobs, but hey, I'll take it. Feeling great.

So I get there nice & early at 6:50am - 10 minutes before monitoring even starts. I give the receptionist my name and tell her that my RE wanted to do my u/s. Ask her if I still need to sign into the regular sign-in sheet and she says no & writes down my name on a sticky note, below someone else's name who was supposed to see him as well. Wasn't too crowded. Cool. Read a magazine. Starts to get more & more crowded. Later (7:30ish) I hear someone say that they are slow to get started - only two names from the monitoring list have been checked off. OK - running late. Keep waiting & start to get hungry and tired. I remember my RE saying something about heading over to start retrievals around 8 or 8:30am. By 8 I get a little restless. People behind me say that they've been there since 7 and still haven't done bloodwork so I know things are still running late. But does that apply to me since I'm even on the list? WTF if I can't see him - do they put me on the bottom of the list?

At 8:30 I go over to ask the receptionist what is going on. Somehow she forgot to give my name to the nurse. Nice. And my RE had already left to do retrievals. REALLY not a huge deal, but for some reason it made me upset. My eyes starting welling up and the nurses quickly got me the bloodwork and u/s with another RE. I'm sure they thought I was a freak show for crying over something so stupid, but I really just couldn't control the tears.

Anyway the other RE said I probably won't have ER until Thursday or Friday. I'm a little concerned because my E2 (yesterday = 956) and lining (today = 7.7mm) seem to have slowed down. And then I read online how step-down protocol (reducing stims as you go along) can decrease egg quality. Argh. So now I feel like things aren't going well with my cycle.

AND I feel like I'm getting sick. I've been trying to avoid germs & wash my hands 1000x per day. But now I have a sore throat & achy & upset stomach (not from cheesecake this time). AND I was feeling home sick and missing my pup.

BUT the good news is that DH is getting in early tonight! His afternoon conference call was rescheduled so he can take an earlier train. Yay! He always makes me feel better. If only he could have snuck our dog on the train with him.

I usually get depressed at some point in my cycle so I guess this is it.

p.s. Thalia - thanks for info about the endo diet. I haven't been hard core about any diet since college so anything I do is in moderation. :) I'll be sure to add in some extra protein this week as well. Thanks!


Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie- hang in there. That is so frustrating!!! I would have cried, too...

serenity said...

Hon - hang in there. It's the stress, hormones, being away from home, etc. Don't sweat crying like you did - I would have too. Maybe even thrown a good old-fashioned temper tantrum. :)

*HUG* You only have so much control over things - can't sweat the details. Your body is doing the best it can.

Hang in there, sweetie... I'm rooting for you!

LisaGray said...

Hi, I was at the same clinic this morning dealing with the madness, so I can imagine your frustration, especially when you were planning on seeing your RE and they forgot about you. I would have been pissed off. Oddly enough, that almost exactly mirrors a nightmare I had last week. Hmm...

Hang in there. We may be doing retrieval on the same day. It's looking more like Friday for me right now, and I'm pretty sure we have the same RE. He's a pretty good doc and also a good guy.

Wishing you the best of luck. Keep posting!

Christina said...

If you weren't acting a little moody with all those drugs pumping thru your veins...we'd think you were weird. Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a weird time in your life. You have a lot on your shoulders.

I'm sure you're not getting sick. Its prolly just the weather. Snuggle with DH tonight and all will look better in the a.m. k?

theoneliner said...

that's me at the oneliner by the way.; )

gabby said...

Going through IVF at home with a spouse by your side is hard. Going through it at a new clinic, out of town, sans spouse is really bad. I've had them forget about me before at my clinic and you feel like they're doing something mean to you. Glad DH is on his way. Hooray! All will be OK. Sounds like you're in good hands!

Christy2262 said...

Aww sweetie - hang in there!!

MrGali said...

Hang in there!!! Remember what marge simpson says... slow and steady wins the race. ;)

Hope you and Mr Spark get some good QT in tonight! :)