Friday, December 01, 2006

4dp3dt - (un)comfortably numb

Today I was overcome by a feeling of numbness. My eyes are glazed over and I'm just counting down the minutes until I can slip out of work to go home.

Yesterday I started a list of reasons why I should be really excited about this cycle. We made some big changes that will hopefully result in a BFP next Friday. Today this list doesn't seem to matter at all to me. In the end it feels like it's all about luck. You can do everything right and still end up with a BFN. Everything can go wrong and end up with a BFP. So I guess the only question that remains is - are we going to be lucky this time?

Anyway, here is my list of changes we've made for this cycle - not in any particular order:
- endo removed via lap in early November
- endometrial biopsy (study showing that this can help with implantation)
- great IVF program & wonderful RE
- great lab/embryologist
- careful monitoring & adjustments to meds
- new protocol (no Lup.ron; step down approach for stims)
- trigger earlier
- E2 did not drop before ER
- embyros in co-culture
- TSH down near 1 on Lev.oxyl
- longer-term course of acupuncture (since summer)
- acupuncture before transfer (1/2 German protocol)
- TCM herbs for a couple of months prior to stimming
- Med.rol to help with implantation
- omega-3 fish oils
- antioxidants (CoQ10, grape seed extract, Vitamin C)
- E2 patches during luteal phase
- DH on antibiotics
- DH on proceptin (antioxidants)
- embryos looked beautiful - never seen that before
- 4 embryos survived to blast & looked good enough to freeze (at a very picky lab)

this is followed by a dose of reality:
- stress of cycling out of town
- stress of being stuck in Times Square (of all places!) around ET
- even if everything looks "perfect" many, many women don't get PG
- didn't eat as well as I could have - major stress eater
- drank wine a couple times during stims; sucka for red wine
- not in great shape right now - poor circulation? too much E2 from fat cells?
- getting older - are my eggs any good?

So maybe there were too many things floating around my head and something short-circuited up there...but there is a definite stillness. And it's eery.


TeamWinks said...

Tired. There's a lot going on, and perhaps your body is saying it is time for a breather.

Anonymous said...

Don't let the dream go.

lola said...

alright I'm officially here in the 2ww with you and I'm not about to let you get down now. :)You have been running so fast that maybe your body is just now beginning to settle from all of the craziness.

This middle of the 2ww is the worst part by far. I'm thinking of you!!

the waiting line said...

I'm in the same boat, and agree - no matter what - it all comes down to a bit of luck. At least, I hope so - cuz I'm a sucka for the red wine too, my friend.

Good luck!

KelleyO said...

I'm hoping that this stillness is your prelude to happiness. You have been through so much- and so many changes this cycle- I think that the positive outweigh the good! Take care my friend!

theoneliner said...

i bet you are tired...i was honestly tired after reading it. your poor body...i hope you got some rest this weekend.

hang in there, you very well might learn some good news before you know it.

Southern Comfortable said...

I have such high hopes for you with this cycle. Maybe all of the changes-- especially the lap!-- will make the difference.

Our temporary apartment is even closer to you than our house. We should get together!

LisaGray said...

Right there with ya on everything, including the red wine!

Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Hi K,
Hope you are not going too insane during the remainder of this 2ww! -I seem to be!!
I notice that there seem to be many differences throughout treatments in the US and here in the UK. Like you had my 3dt on Mon 27th Nov, but unlike you I won't be having my pt until 14dpt: Mon 11th Dec (if I make it that far). My clinic doesn't do a blood test before 12dp3dt, but as that falls on a Sat this time they won't check until the Mon.
I see that you will have your preg test next Fri: 11dp3dt. - I'm envious! Will you be having a standard blood test to find out that early?
Would really appreciate to find out why that differs - even if I just drive myself a little more crazy with the outcome!

If this doen't make any sense, my apologies, and please feel free to ignore!

Take care of yourself x
Mrs Blue Sky

spark said...

Hi Amanda - that completely makes sense - my last doctor did the blood test at 14dp3dt - which did seem like an eternity. I always test a day or two prior to the blood test though because I much rather find out myself than over a phone - usually at work. Hope that we both survive this craziness and have some good news soon.

Anonymous said...

Hi K,
thanks for your reply x
I really want to do an early preg test myself but it's Mr Blue Sky's birthday on Sun 10th Dec- the day before the blood test is due - and I don't think that would be much fun on his birthday if we had bad news.(I've been warned that a home preg test probably would'nt detect a possitive before 14dpt anyway) Of course if it were good news it would be the best birthday present ever! But I think we shall just wait until the Mon (if we make it that far). OMG this is really sending me crazy! I am usually quite sane and calm but this wait seems much longer this time!
I hope your week doesn't drag for you too much and that we both do get some good news soon.
Nice talking with you :)
Look after yourself x