Friday, December 08, 2006

11dp3dt - not real

This just doesn't seem real - at all. My result lines are still very faint - even as of this morning which is my theoretical "first day of expected period". Maybe this was just a test to see if something could implant - and it did. That alone is very reassuring - I was starting to wonder if my ute was a pit of despair that no embryo could survive for more than a few hours. But at least one has survived for this long - which alone seems like great progress.

I am still in shock about the whole thing and don't really know how to react. I thought that if I ever saw another line I'd be jumping up & down with happiness. But I just don't know how to feel or react. I'm not quite happy. I feel like a fraud - like someone is going to realize that it's all just a big joke and turn me in. I guess I've turned into a pro at IVF/IF and I'm really really good at that. I have no clue where to begin if this is happening. I've been avoiding most things related to this for a long time.

Anyway the sketchy, scary lab down here "forgot" to process in my 2nd luteal bloodwork on Wednesday - nice. It just sat in a bin until yesterday when they realized they never sent it over to the lab. Guess that STAT means forget about it. So we'll see if & when the nurses up in NYC get the bloodwork today. I'll try to stay on top of it, but I'm guessing it won't be very early even if everyone does their job.

In the hope that this is real I made an appt with my endocrinologist for next week to check my TSH and also ordered more PIO/needles/syringes - which I could use for a future cycle if I end up not needing it now.

7 comments:

theoneliner said...

I bet you are scared....I would be. In fact the last time I really thought I was PG...I nearly had a panic attack.

The faintness of the line doesn't, this early, mean a whole lot. Except to add to your worries, of course.

Hang in there with todays beta you'll know a lot more.

thinking of you. oxoxo

Mr Blue Sky said...

Thinking of you today and hoping for good news. x

serenity said...

So normal to feel like it's not real.

I am thinking about you today, hon.

*hug*

M said...

I cried when I got the second line on my HPT. I was afraid I read it wrong...took another one...and then sat them beside the direction sheet to mkae sure I was reading it right.
My husband also has high dna fragmentation. 50%...and we were told our chances were slim to none...and I got pregnant, managed to stay pregnant..and delivered a healthy baby.
Best of luck, neighbor!

lola said...

I feel *exactly* like you do right now. No clue how to feel or react.

My tests are still light as well - I hate that!

{hugs}

KelleyO said...

Oh my. How stressful for you. Hoping for a good number today.

As for the worries about what to do next if the pregnancy continues to be viable...you will figure that out quickly! You will also be "really really good" at being pregnant- of that, I'm sure!

Hang in there!!!

Southern Comfortable said...

I'm thinking of you and hoping for great numbers!!!!