14dp3dt

So today is the day. It feels a bit anticlimatic. Normally I'm pretty upset when I go into the RE for the beta, knowing what the outcome will be and holding back tears until I can get back to my car. But I was completely fine and even joked around with the nurses this morning.

I'll probably get the call when we're on the road. Not sure if I really need to ask anything - normally I'd ask about scheduling the next cycle, what went wrong, etc. So maybe instead I'll let them leave a simple voicemail. Negative.

And not sure if I mentioned this earlier, but we did decide to skip the other FET down here even though it might take some time to start cycling up in NYC. We'd rather just save the money for a cycle that is more likely to work. So our three little frosties will sit in the tank until we figure out what we want to do with them.

And I guess I need to figure out some logistics. Will I need someone down here for some monitoring? Would my RE do it? I'm pretty sure he'd be pissed if I went somewhere else locally, but what if I'm going out of town. Would he be OK with that? I really hope they will do it because I really like the whole staff and will miss going there. :(

I was going to say something like "it's my alma mater so I just HAVE to go there". Think he'd buy that? Speaking of which, I wonder if TopNYCDoc will give me an alum discount? ;)

Anyway off to finish packing and hopefully will have IF off of my mind soon! Back on Monday!

da vino is calling my name...

Wine Tasting (Montalcino)
Originally uploaded by Kristi & Nick.

Guess I better wait until tomorrow for a glass of wine, right?

13dp3dt

Another HPT this morning and...another BFN. And I started spotting very lightly (which I never do on PIO/suppositories). :(

DH and I talked more last night and he's fully supportive of whatever I want to do for our upcoming cycles -- he just doesn't want to spend the next five years doing IVF. That works for me! So we're good. And we are adjusting some of our financial plans to prepare for more cycles as well (helps now that the TH is sold!). I am curious about insurance coverage available with DH's new job (my coverage was zapped earlier this year) -- it would be out-of-network since this place doesn't really take many insurances, but any kind of coverage would be nice. Need him to get a copy of the benefits details...

AND I was able to get a much earlier appointment with another RE at the same practice. So I'm heading up to NYC next Friday!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!! So hopefully we'll be able to get in one more cycle in this year! I enjoyed working with my RE down here, but I think it's time for the big guns.

We just decided to bring some yummy red wine that we've been saving for a while (from our Italy trip) to our little vacation with friends this weekend...just to make it a little festive.

11dp3dt

Last night the acupuncturist took my pulse and say "Oh! you have a very clear rolling pulse so you are definitely pregnant (!)...............or have some kind of phlegm issue, like a stomach ache" Um yeah, my stomach was bothering me all day, thanks.

And I didn't POAS again this morning as planned and immediately regretted it after I started peeing. I really, really, really hope that my HPT from yesterday was wrong (but I know it's not). Anyway I'm all out of my good HPTs - only a stinkin' digital left and I will only use that again when I know I'm PG. I hate the very clear message "NOT PREGNANT". Yeah, thanks. So maybe I need to run out and get a couple FRERs to torture myself...

DH and I had an interesting discussion last night. If this FET doesn't work he was saying that he doesn't have the energy to do a lot more cycles. And I'm ready to keep on going until I've exhausted all avenues. So we have a little discrepancy in what we want to do. I can see his point because we have had our lives in limbo for a couple of years now and it'd be nice to feel like we're "living" again.

But I'm a little annoyed because if I knew that earlier I might have been more aggressive about this cycle - e.g., done the Intralipids...pushed for the steroids. Things that we discussed and decided together that we can push for in future cycles. So if we have a limited number of cycles that puts the pressure on, huh?

So we might just skip a final FET down here and really just focus on cycling up in NYC once or twice (yikes). So given how long I'll have to wait for my initial consult up there (November) I probably won't be cycling again until early 2007 because I know they close down in December. So with the cancellations & delays & a mini-break we only had three attempts this whole entire year.

I could theoretically get in on a cancellation slot sooner. But before that can happen I also need to send up CD2 bloodwork from a non-medicated cycle. So we'd have to take a month off of all meds so I can do the bloodwork (putting us into late October). And then I can try to get a cancellation spot. Which is only a week or two before my currently scheduled appt so that doesn't buy us much. And I'm assuming that some of my tests have "expired" so I'll need to redo some things. And if we do something like co-culturing that would take up another cycle as well.

So I guess I'm kinda pissy today because I am impatient and frustrated that it takes so f'in long to cycle. And then when we do cycle, it doesn't work. I hate IF.

10.5dp3dt

Today has been a productive day! I've somehow managed to get some work done (gasp) AND I made some progress on "plan B":
- scheduled follow-up with my Endo (Levoxyl rx is running out)
- scheduled appt with TopNYCDoc for early November (sooner if I get all of my records up there - and there is a cancellation)
- organized a copy of my records (except for latest FET) for TopNYCDoc; it's ready to send!!
- requested copy of my HSG; it is waiting at radiology at our hospital for me to pick up tonight (I'm surprised just how easy that was to order!); this is needed for TopNYCDoc
- ordered NK Panel + APA tests from Millenova (will do it early next week)


Go me!

Am I better at being a non-pregnant IFer? Seems like I just *know* how to do it and I'm good at it. Not sure how I'd handle ever being PG -- I'd have have no clue what to do!! ;)

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And here is my HSG pic!! I've *never* seen this before (one good reason to get copies of your records)! Are the thicker parts of the end of my fallopian tubes normal? (hope the link works - it's hard to blog on a Mac)

10dp3dt - not looking good...

Maggie's Paw
Originally uploaded by Kristi & Nick.

I woke up early feeling very nauseous and crampy this morning and felt compelled to HPT. And just as almost every bone in my body expected, BFN. I'm strangely not upset at all. Didn't even shed a tear. I just immediately went into planning out next steps - AKA "plan B".

I think I'll do another FET (natural?) down here while waiting to get consults with some other docs. And I'll get the steroids (finally) and also do the Intralipids in Chicago for fun for that.

I do have some weird sense of focus and clarity - which is odd for me so early in the morning. But I feel like I can focus on some other life priorities today and not be so distracted by Friday's beta (which was ALL I could think about yesterday). And by some miracle I still could end up with a different beta results (possible late implanters from FET)....but that is just sooooo f'in unlikely.

I still think I might puke though -- maybe it was the frozen spanikopita I ate last night? Yuck!

And I think I am developing a dog foot fetish...Maggie must think I'm a freak for photographing her paws so much. :)

9dp3dt

Had my last luteal bloodwork today - both went down but the nurse said they are still fine and it's typical for them to fluctuate so no need to adjust meds:
E2 = 300
P4 = 29

current plans for the week are:
9/26 - acupuncture & finish a couple urgent tasks at work (last potential productive day)
9/27 - POAS (11dp3dt)
9/28 - acupuncture
9/29 - beta (13dp3dt) & leave for vacation with friends
9/31 - massage with girlfriends

I had a pretty emotional day - mostly not TTC/IF related...although that is really always there in the background, right? So overall I'm feeling pretty crappy and I'm dreading the news later this week.

Going to cuddle up with Maggie & DH and watch a movie tonight for a little escape...

Lazy Dog Weekend (8dp3dt)

Lazy Dog Days
Originally uploaded by Kristi & Nick.

We had a nice lazy weekend. I had some family come down to celebrate my b-day and we mostly just sat around - great hosts, huh? Good thing my family is laid back and doesn't care. I did get a chance to play with my new camera (b-day present!) though...poor Maggie has been a captive subject.

So in less than 5 days I will KNOW if this FET worked or not. I have been thinking about "plan B" in case I do get a BFN - which is the likely scenario.

Plan B
- drink lots of wine & eat lots of unhealthy food on our trip next weekend
- meet with RE and see if he has any brilliant ideas
- see if he will do a lap (to rule out endo)
- probably FET our last 3 embryos while waiting for other appts
- schedule consult with top NYC doc
- schedule phone consult with CA doc who specializes in immunity issues
- do a sauna detox program (acu clinic just started them)
- start intensive excercise & diet (OK - I say this after each BFN but I really mean it!)

I'm torn about POAS before the beta (on 13dp3dt). I definitely will before the blood test because I want to be prepared for the phone call. But do I wait all of the way until Friday? My "rule" is wait until 11dp3dt (Wed) because by then it should be pretty clear one way or another. But then again I love to break rules. So I'm left with a question - when should I test? I would have to go into knowing that my little la-la-la fantasy is likely to be over...and I'm not quite ready for that.

Maybe I'll just focus on sending Serenity some positive thoughts for her soon-to-be-thawed embryos!! :)

6dp3dt - zero symptoms

The TH is sold and now officially off of our list of worries!! Phewwwww!! Not sure if we'll do another residential investment property after this, but we did learn a lot. It's just a huge relief to not have to deal with it anymore!!! It seems that all of the issues hanging over our heads a few months ago keep getting resolved. Still don't know what will happen with our biggest issue (IF), but if we did get PG this cycle then we'll be beyond estatic. I can't even think of a word that expresses how happy & relieved we would be.

So I am 6dp3dt (3w2d) and feeling NO symptoms from the PIO or Estrace. Not a single cramp. Boobs feel underinflated. Stomach doesn't feel bloated. Nothing. Nada.

Well I do have one issue. It appears that I had some kind of reaction to the PIO. The side of my butt/hip that we did three mornings ago started to feel really really itchy yesterday. And when I got home and looked in the mirror I realized it was really red & raised up and also had a big blister. So we've been skipping that side now -- it seems a little better today but still itchy. The other side seems OK so we'll keep abusing it for now. Anyone experience something this? I haven't and this is the third cycle we've used it...

Anyway I wouldn't expect a lot of symptoms from the natural FET but do expect something from the PIO/Estrace in the 2WW...

Acu tomorrow and bloodwork on Monday.

5dp3dt - la la la...

Dinner was nice. I was a big idiot though and didn't read the menu closely. NOT a good thing to do at a seafood restaurant when you have shellfish allergies. So I had to send my dinner back and ask for a less-deadly version. Ooops! But the waiter was super nice and even gave us little anniversary gift at the end (a mug, copy of the special anniversary menu - thanks for reminding me of my error, and also a box of yummy cookies!).

Last night we also watched our wedding DVD and laughed at ourselves for looking like goofballs. And I want to go through our honeymoon pics tonight!!

I love the leather frame and briefcase ideas (esp. for DH's new job!)! And we came up with two other ideas last night. DH said he found a leather map that looked cool (for our subtle travel-inspired living room). And we have been drooling over a leather armchairs for years now so we're thinking about getting rid of our TV in the living room and putting a nice chair/ottoman in its place. So I think we're going to go shopping for our gifts together this weekend. :)

just for kicks here is my fav wedding pic (which somehow reminds me of Renoir's dancers):


and where I'd love to be right now -- relaxing on our honeymoon in Greece:


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We did our PIOs before bed for our two previous cycles. But when we first started doing them for this FET the morning was better for us schedule-wise and we've stuck with it. It's actually how the nurses say to do them. And it's turned out to be much easier because we're not too tired in the AM.

After yesterday's hormone check (E2 = 363; P4 = 40) they asked me to bump up Estradiol to 3x per day (6 pills today). My pill box is going to explode!

Here is the new med schedule spread out throughout the day:

Levoxyl (1 hour before food)
PIO
--
antibiotic (with breakfast but with no other pills)
--
2 Estradiol, prenatal, 3 fish oil, CoQ10
--
2 Estradiol
--
antibiotic (with dinner but with no other pills)
--
2 Estradiol, prenatal, 3 fish oil, Vitamin E, Vitamin C, baby aspirin
--
progesterone suppository
Chinese herbs

I wrote up a little schedule to remind myself!

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La la la...still pregnant until proven otherwise...and just to really play it out I plugged in some dates into a due date calculator - it said I am theoretically 3w1d today and due on 6/6/07. And heartbeat could first be detected on 10/18/06. La la la...I can't heeeeear you, reality!!!