CD3 - anxiety

Today was hectic. Lots going on at work and then lots going on at home to get ready for my trip. I had another meltdown after work today. Poor hubby - he must think I'm a freakshow. Good thing that he is so understanding and didn't go running for the door. Also a good thing that the pug is so hilarious - definitely helped lighten things up tonight. I'm thinking that I should just bring him up to NYC with me -- he'd be great company. Think my brother-in-law would mind if I dog-knapped him?

I'm staying with my friend in Brooklyn tomorrow night and then move to a corporate apartment on the UES on Thursday. I think once I get there I'll feel more settled and will relax more.

So I did the same dose of stims today (150+150) and go in tomorrow for bloodwork. Although I'm wondering if I did the right dose of Follist1m last night - tonight it seemed like I dialed it much further. Hope it's not a big deal. So the more I have to mix up the Men0pur - the more I heart the Follist1m - the premixed vials & pen make it 10000000x easier. But my ovaries seem to love the LH so I'll suffer through it. Plus it feels a little bit like a science experiment. Hopefully my concoctions won't bubble over and melt through my desk. Chemistry was never my favorite subject.

I think I was sooooo focused on juggling all of the appointments/paperwork/logistics over the past couple of months that I didn't have time for it to really sink in that we're actually doing this - again. We're putting ourselves out there - again. I didn't get too emotionally invested in our FET mess. But this - how can I not? Top IVF center. New protocol. Co-culture. Right after a lap cleaned out my surprise endo. On fish oil & NKs are down. On Levoxyl & TSH is down. Weekly acupuncture for the last 6 months (and a couple months of herbs). Third time's a charm. We're traveling out of town. We really, really want it. No weird delays like in previous cycles - everything is going eerily well. Of course it's going to work. Because if it doesn't - will it ever?

CD2 - baseline

I forgot all of the fun...

This morning I went in for my baseline appointment - simple bloodwork & ultrasound, right? I almost passed out when the receptionist told me the cost. It was almost 3x more than my old RE's office would have charged and 2x more than my NYC RE charged for a similiar appointment last month. WTF?! Why on earth did I not ask about this before? I definitely should have shopped around a bit. I am hoping that insurance will cover some of it and now I'm debating whether I should find somewhere else for my CD4 bloodwork. I'm hestitant to try another lab (different results?) though and it should be a lot less because it's just bloodwork. Or should I just head up to NYC a day earlier?

Once my sticker shock wore off I was happy to see that my lining looked nice and thin (4mm) and my ovaries seem pretty calm. No cysts or follicles that got a jump start. Seems like BCPs are the way to go for me!

Oh and I could have done without the 'tude from the overpriced nurses when I was calling to confirm that they sent the FAX (NYC nurses couldn't find it). For that much money you should FAX it as many times as I want - and like it!

I had a minor meltdown after work over something stupid - I think that was my emotional release from all of the stress about whether we were going to cycle or not. But I feel much more relaxed now. Phew.

So after a lot of nervous energy I did finally get that call from NYC - we're a go! I start out with 150 Follist1m and 150 Men0pur for the first two days and then check bloodwork on CD4. I forgot all of the details involved with stims - which syringe do I used again? which needle? and where do I stick that Q-thing? I got spoiled on the easy natural FET cycle. Figured that I shouldn't use the 6-month-old Follistim cartridge that was still in there (although I did put it in the fridge just in case;). And Men0pur stings like a motherf'er! I don't remember that from the last time. Maybe because I used two vials this time? And I think I can taste the meds in my mouth? Weird.

Anyway, I'm VERY excited that this IS happening!

CD2 recap:
lining: 4
follicles: lots of antral
E2: 52
FSH: 4.2
Follist1m: 150
Men0pur: 150

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oh and here is the little gremlin our "nephew" that we are dogsitting this week - he is ridiculously entertaining:

great weekend!

Windy Run

We had incredible weather on Saturday so we skipped most of our errands and just enjoyed the day. On our way to pick up Nick's new car, we stopped at a cute little cafe and ate outside with Maggie. Everyone around us gave her some lovin' and she ate it up. When we got home Nick spent a significant amount of time in the driveway playing with his new toy (LOL!).

In the afternoon we went for a nice little hike with Maggie and Gillie (our next door neighbor's dog joined us). Some trees were bare and some still had beautiful yellow and golden leaves. The stream trickling down to the river was very serene. And just as we hoped the dogs ran like mad!

Later in the day we also attended the first b-day party for our neighbor's youngest son. His nickname in utero was "the little olive" - so the cupcakes were decorated as little olives. So cute. Fortunately it was very adult friendly event. I think there was a set of IVF twins there -- I'll need to ask my neighbor.

We finished off the evening by getting cozy and watching a movie.

Maggie

And I do love rainy days so I am enjoying Sunday as well. After a leisurely start we are doing those chores/errands that we put off yesterday.

This is exactly what I'm going to miss when I'm in NYC.

5 things...

After a lot of ups & downs today I think I've found a solution for lodging. I found another (cheaper) corp apt that is available for the core days that I should need to be in NYC. So I'll stay in Brooklyn for the first night and I might need to find a hotel for a couple of days at the end if I stim for more than 8 days. The good thing is that I won't need to fax in my registration info (payment) until Monday -- after I go to my ultrasound to see if my lining/ovaries are OK to start. So that gives me an out if I need to reschedule.

Thanks to Serenity for the tag. Here are my 5 things that you probably didn't know about me. (or want to know?) :)

1. I have turned into a wimpy skiier/snowboarder. 5-10 years ago I had bigger balls than most of the guys on my ski trips. I'm embarrassed to go with them now because I suck. I hesitate, catch an edge, and it's all over. I miss my gusto.

2. After I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread over the water in some cool location - Aegean Sea? The infinity pool at our fav honeymoon hotel? That way Nick (assuming I go first) will get a nice trip out of it. He doesn't think it's a good idea though.

3. Back in junior high, one kid from my neighborhood modified the lyrics to "Crimson & Clover" to include my name - because it rhymed. I was very shy back then and it made me uncomfortable - he would sing it all of the time. But now I think it's kinda cool when I hear the song. "[spark], over and over"

4. I was voted shyest girl in my HS senior yearbook. I had a hard time relating to most people in my class so I usually just kept my mouth shut around them. Usually the louder and more obnoxious people are, the quieter I am. And growing up in NJ - we had a lot of characters. :)

5. I once drank beer out of a ski boot...called "shoot the boot". Disclaimer that I was not the first person so I rationalized that it was already cleaned out...and it was a woman's ski boot - not some big old smelly man boot. Pressing my lips on the smushy, beer-soaked lining was the grossest part.

I will tag:
-M
Embro Motel
Heather
Southern Comfortable
the oneliner

getting ready for IVF#3

I think I'm majorly screwed for lodging for NYC. I had a corporate apartment lined up that was perfect (location, price, dates), but I waited too long and now it's booked. There are some hotels available, but they won't have a refrigerator which I need for the meds or a kitchen for me to prepare some meals. And most of the hotels really aren't all that close. Also to get the good rate at the hotels you need to prepay and I'm still really unsure about the dates - will I have issues getting my money back? And the other corp apt that I found in a good location is a 2 bedroom and 50% more expensive (but still cheaper than most hotels). And if I did a corp apartment and needed to change my dates I still need to pay 20% of the days that I don't use. Yikes!

So if I am NOT ready to start stims at my baseline on Monday then that would really really suck. But if I wait until then to book anything, very little will be available (as I learned on our last trip). I'm really gun-shy about booking something because for our last two ART cycles I wasn't suppressed well at baseline and everything needed to be put off by about a month. TWICE. So I feel like that might happen again. Of course I've never tried BCPs before so maybe it will be different. But ack!

I can stay with my friend in Brooklyn, but that's two hours of commuting every day. And lots of walking - love it, but it gets tiring. And I also don't feel comfortable with all of my stuff spread out all over her living room. Her sofa bed is comfy though and I love hanging out with her.

So do I book a hotel room now just in case and hope that I don't have issues cancelling later?

Or book the expensive corp apt because that is *by far* the most convenient option (has a kitchen, newly renovated, couple blocks from RE)? And then just suck it up if I need to change dates?

ACK!


In other news, I'm going to get my "healthy living" back in action! I've been a little slack since the surgery so I need to make my list of what I need to do.
- take 4mg/day of fish oils & baby aspirin (now that it's been a week since the surgery - shouldn't have any clotting issues)
- continue supplements (CoQ, OTC, ginger, Vit C) along with prenatals (new brand without spirulina)
- take bromelain (500mg) for 1 week after ET (research if I start earlier because of endo?)
- determine if I want to add a B Complex, Cal/Mag, and also evening primrose oil (check prenatal)
- will not take TCM herbs this time
- go back to an anti-inflammatory diet to help with endo & NKs (avoid red meat, wheat, dairy, trans/satuated fats, yogurt, refined carbs, yolks, caffeine, chocolate); leaving hormone-free chicken, salmon, berries, walnuts, olives, veggies, lentils, herbal teas, water (organic where possible)
- avoid heating & storing things in plastics
- avoid chemicals (pesticides, insectides, etc.)
- recheck TSH (and NKs?) in early December
- also DH will continue to take proceptin and multivitamin

And my meds look like this:
- take last BCP on 11/11
- if all looks well on 11/13 ("CD2"), start off with 150 Foll1stim + 150 Men0pur
- DH would also start antibiotics that day
- Ganirel1x when my follicles get big enough
- hCG trigger
- val1um for ER/ET (I'm requesting this)
- Medr0l (yay!) and antiobiotics for me
- PIO (probably progesterone suppositories as well)
- Estradiol during 2WW (I'm asking about this)

I am so so fortunate to have a friend who is donating th Foll1stim & Ganirel1x. THANK YOU!!!!! You continue to amaze me with your generosity.

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And I've been reading up on endo, my fav info so far:

"Research suggests that frequent and early pregnancy, use of oral contraceptives, and daily exercise may all help decrease the incidence and severity of endometriosis."

LOL! Guess I should have gotten knocked up in HS after all! And a few times!

And at least one study has shown that removing endo via a lap has a positive impact on fucundity! (LOL that I just wrote fucundity! Who puts the fun in fucundity!?!) But seriously that is good to hear.

A moment of silence...

...for yesterday's vote showed just how backwards the people in my state are.

I can understand why there is a close race for the Sen.ate (which is still pending - keeping my fingers crossed). Lots of different issues there. But to have a clear majority of people who think that it is A-OK to ban the rights of others? That makes me want to puke. OK - it might really just be the BCP upsetting my stomach, but this is definitely disappointing.

I am proud of my little county though -- we had a very strong vote for No (74%). Too bad the rest of the state thinks otherwise.

If it weren't for my local liberal area I'd be packing my bags to head back up North.

Just heard back from RE

I'm so impressed with my new RE. I FAXed him with some questions around 4:30 today...and I get a call from him on his cell (heading home?) around 5:30. He is so nice. I heart him!!

Anyway so he said that my endo was between stage II - III and was all over the place (behind the ute, in front, on ovaries, etc.). My tubes & insides of my uterus looked fine (he also did a hysteroscopy). So the plan is that I'll take BCPs until Saturday and go in for a scan on Monday. If my E2 is low enough & lining is thin enough we'll get started! Guess I better try to get in touch with the IVF nurse again about the meds -- funny how it's 1000x easier to get in touch with the doctor instead of the nurse.

And I talked to my boss who is now totally cool with me "working remotely" for a good chunk of November. Phew! Now I just need to figure out the NYC lodging situation. I found a corporate apartment close to the RE's office -- just trying to figure out if it's worth the extra money to stay there vs. save some bucks and stay with my friend, but then I'd have to spend 2+ hours a day commuting back & forth to Brooklyn. I loved the walking & her neighborhood & everything, but it was very draining.

Ack - I'm getting soooo f'in exciting about this cycle. Am I setting myself up for a big disappointment in the end? I think I'll be completely crushed if it doesn't work out after everything we've done to prepare for this and to cycle out of town. I still haven't quite caught on that no matter how hard I try, no matter how much we want this -- we ultimately cannot control the outcome. Something that this control freak still has a hard time grasping...

one little pill

It's funny...I am completely fine with the general anesthesia and all of the meds they pumped through me last week...but yesterday (CD3) I took my first BCP in a long time and it made me *extremely* nauseous. It's such a teeny tiny pill and it kicked my a$$. I'll try to take it with food today.

So I'm on BCPs for about a week to recover from the lap and then I stop. Once I get my period again I'll start stims on CD2.

endo: bittersweet diagnosis

My lap went well yesterday. Turns out that I did have lots of endo and the RE removed it. So now I'm trying to research whether it's better to jump right into another IVF cycle (after being freshly "cleaned out") or to look at additional treatments (Lupr0n Dep0t) before starting.

After having unexplained IF all of this time, having a diagnosis is in some ways reassuring. I know what it is (assuming it's our only issue) and we can treat it. And it definitely could explain the elevated NKs (endo causes scarring and inflammation, which triggers NKs).

But having endo seems like a really big deal. There are plenty of women who I've read about who never had luck with endo. Also my aunt who adopted her three kids had endo. So did my aunt who had successful IVFs. So it does make me concerned that we will never be able to conceive our own children.

So it is a bittersweet diagnosis.

But the lap itself was fine and I'm in relatively little pain. Actually my mouth and throat bother me the most. I joked with DH that they had the JV team (it's a teaching hospital) put in my breathing tube. My stomach muscles feel like I've done 1 million sit-ups and I can't really pull myself up to sit without using my arms. And I'm walking around like a caveman but haven't had to take any pain meds since being in the recovery room. No nausea or other side effects from the general anesthesia. So overall I feel like it was best-case scenario.

recap of my lap experience so I can remember later:
- DH ran down to a late-night deli to get grilled cheese sandwiches right before midnight so I wouldn't be too hungry the next day (love him!)
- slept fine for most of the night despite the traffic noise below
- when I woke up around 7am I was able to take my thyroid medicine in the morning with a little water per my doctor's instruction
- realized that my period started; my RE joked that I'd probably get it when I was laying on the table
- took a nice hot shower
- walked DH over to the RE's office so he could get his bloodwork done (1 vial); he's a complete wimp about bloodwork so I had to escort him. :)
- realized that we had a couple of hours left to kill so we went back to the hotel room
- headed over early because it was in a different part of the hospital than I'd been in before
- we got there in 2 minutes and proceeded to wait around for the next 2+ hours
- they took me back fairly quickly to get my PJs on and then I waited for an hour for the nurse to interview me and give me my IV
- I used my old faithful vein for my IV and now I'm regretting it because it's got a huge lump on it now...and it was already starting to develop scar tissue with our last FET; hopefully I haven't abused it too much
- then they went to grab Nick and we waited around for another 45-60 minutes
- don't read this Smarshy: actually we did go & pee together; he helped me with the IV :)
- then my doctor and his "fellow" came to get me
- we took the stairs up one floor because the elevator takes forever
- we went into the operating room and I was fascinated by all of the equipment
- met the nurses & anesthesiologists, answered some questions, and signed some more forms
- it took me a minute to lose my PJ pants & undies (remember I just got my period that morning) and my RE joked around that he thought after all of my IVF procedures that I'd drop my pants for anyone faster than that (I heart him - soooo funny!)
- jump up on the tall table
- they pull my arms out of my PJ top and stick me with monitors
- RE tells me to stick around until Saturday so I tell him that if he sees my DH before me to please ask him to book a room (we had a hard time finding reservations for Friday night)
- the main anesthesiologist tells me we will get started in a bit
- chit chat a little more and next thing I know they are asking me to scoot over to another bed
- then roll me down to a recovery room for serious surgeries because the ambulatory section is completely full
- I was next to a guy who had brain surgery and also a woman in A LOT of pain
- I was pretty out of it at first and my vision was very blurry; also I got dizzy if I moved my head too quickly to one side
- I felt some cramping and asked for some pain medication; the nurse got it right away and I felt a lot better (can't remember what it's called); I also got some Tylenol before leaving as well
- time flew by very quickly and before I knew it 1 hour or so had passed
- the nurses were really nice and brought me some apple juice and a muffin
- my RE came down to find me and told me about the endo and called it the "best case scenario" for our upcoming cycle; he also showed me some pics of the endo that I can pick up later
- the nurses eventually find my DH and ask him to come down
- it took a long time for me to feel ready to pee; once I did I got dressed carefully - wasn't 100% on my feet
- got my discharge info and peed and we were out of there
- we stopped by the deli to get some Ben & Jerry's ice cream on our way back to the room
- we also ordered some Italian food and started watching TV when I finally crashed
- I slept pretty well last night and haven't need to take any Tylenol or Percocet yet
- DH confirmed that we could stay an additional night in our room so we didn't have to move (yay!)
- my mouth and throat are killing me though! the right part of my lip is swollen and sore. my throat feels like it always needs to be cleared (which hurts my tummy) and is very sore. the nasty plastic taste has finally left my mouth, but it took several hours for that to go away.
- a nurse called a couple hours ago to check on me; she said to gargle with salt water and mention the sore throat to my doctor when I see him tomorrow



So all in all it went really well. I'm glad we stayed the extra day so my body has a better chance to heal. But I'm really REALLY looking forward to getting back home tomorrow and cuddling with Maggie!!

in a New York minute...

NYC has been very busy. I stayed with a friend in Brooklyn for the first couple of days and spent a significant amount of time moving from one place to another - on the subway, on foot, and in a cab. I checked into the medical hotel last night and have really, really enjoyed not moving.

Some random highlights from my trip so far:
- I *love* Brooklyn -- it has so many cute restaurants & shops...and just feels good. Can't wait to stay with my friend again!
- I loved figuring out the most efficient way to get from point A to point B. There is a moderate walk from the subway to the RE's office and I would decide which way to go based on which path had the walk signal. I guess it's not too surprising because the lights are synchronized, but I took the same exact path a few times in a row.
- Having so many unique & creative restaurants will definitely make going back to generic-suburb-land very difficult. Although DC has much better Lebanese food. :)
- They took a ton of blood for the co-culture, pre-op testing, as well as some additional testing that I needed to complete before starting our IVF cycle. I still feel pretty drained (har har) which kinda surprised me. I used to donate blood before starting acupuncture and didn't feel quite as affected.
- I like my RE more & more that I see him. He's just so funny & down-to-earth. And I'm also impressed with the whole staff - everyone seems so nice AND competent!
- The co-culture biopsy was very fast and much less painful than I expected. Guess the 800 ibu. helped out a bit.
- My feet have blisters even though I wore comfy shoes. But I've really enjoyed the walking. The weather has been beautiful.
- There is a spot in the Lexington subway station - as you are going up the last escalator - that smells just like my dog, Maggie. It made me miss her even more.
- I like my NYC acupuncturist -- very sharp & approachable.
- I have to keep reminding myself that the medical hotel is right next door to the hospital and very cheap. Otherwise my spoiled self would have escaped to something more luxurious last night. The room is blah as expected, but the air quality seems horrible -- the only way to get some cool air is to open the window and listen to the ambulances approach the emergency room next door.
- Halloween in Brooklyn was so cute. The kids go from store to restaurant to bar going in and yelling out "Trick or Treat!" Very funny.
- REs back in VA are not very interested in doing monitoring visits for the start of our IVF cycle - no one wants to return my call.
- I think our ER will be right around Thanksgiving. Guess we might not make it down to Savannah to see my ILs. Ooooops!
- I desperately need some new clothes before heading up again. I feel sooooo unfashionable it's painful!
- I was glad to hear that no bowel prep was required for the lap. I would be very grumpy if I couldn't eat today and had some unpleasantness in the bathroom tonight.
- I can't wait to see my DH tonight!
- I wish I brought my camera - there were a few picture perfect moments that I had to commit to memory. Unfortunately I have a horrible memory.

Off to get my hair cut with my friend!

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update...

I LOVE my cut (took off lots of bulk & added layers) & color (copper & low-lights)! So now I need to come up here every couple of months to see my new favorite stylist & colorist. At least my hair will look good for tomorrow's surgery. I'll need to get it updated before any future procedures. ;)

And mental note - Broadway is NOT the same as West Broadway.

DH should be here soon!

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Just got the call from the hospital -- surgery isn't until 1pm. I'm going to be starving by then! I'm going to stay up tonight & eat something at midnight. :)