anxiety rising

Since I'm having a hard time posting comments on some blogs (thank you, Blogger Beta) I thought I'd share my comments on here...

I hope that the Hotel Manager at the Embryo Motel gets some relief soon. That does NOT sound like fun. Also I've met a bobcat at a couple points in my life as well - for two different types of growth spurts.

And congrats to Serenity on the job offers. You rock! Good luck with your decision -- for me it's always been really important to work with great people. But then again commuting does suck.


I'm getting more & more excited about spending the week up in NYC. I'll be living in Brooklyn (Carroll Gardens) with a good friend for half of the week and then moving to a hotel closer to the hospital prior to the surgery. I have already picked out the subway lines that I'll need to take and located the closest Whole Foods. Still trying to make appts for acupuncture and hair cut. Looking forward to some good food (before the clear liquid diet day). And might catch up with some other friends. One of my good college buddies just had #2 - I guess I should work up some excitement there.

But I'm also feeling very anxious about something. Not really the surgery, but I'm guessing that will hit next week. Maybe about the IVF cycle itself. I'm afraid that the moons won't align and I'll have to push it off to January. The more that I think about it that scenario seems less likely, but I'm still anxious about something.

Actually I haven't told my boss about taking off time for the IVF. I wanted to get a better feel for the dates before saying anything. I did hit that I might need to take off more time later in November, but didn't really mention that it'll be 2 weeks out of the office. Oh yeah - right after this week of being out. I do plan on working "from home" for most of it so hopefully it won't be an issue. Actually we do have a tiny NYC office - maybe I'll try to work from there to not feel as guilty about taking off so much time during a busy month. Part me wants to say F it because of everything that I've done for the company so far this year and then part of me feels bad for leaving my boss in a tight spot. And he is very cool. So maybe I'll spill the beans to him and also work hard to support him from NYC when I can.

So maybe it's a lot of little things are making me nervous all around? Guess I better work on some relaxation techniques...and maybe another acu session before I head up?

Ack!

I love the beach

I love the beach - any time of the year. Actually I might like it more in the off season when it's not overrun by people. Having spent so much of my childhood at the beach ("down the shore") I can't imagine living any further from it than we are right now (2-3 hrs). Rivers and lakes are a nice water fix for me, but there is something about the salty smell and the sound of the waves that makes me feel at home. Some day in the future I do want to live close to the beach again.

We had a nice visit with my grandmother, who looks pretty darn good under the circumstances. My aunts were joking that even at her worst a week ago her hair was still perfect -- guess the rest of us weren't lucky enough to get that gene. Aside from being tired, I never would know that she has cancer all over her body. She has another biopsy this week to try to diagnose it and determine appropriate treatment. It was nice to have a "normal" visit with her and the rest of my family -- almost everyone was there. It was just like a holiday minus the decorations. I tried to savor every minute of it because we may not have many "normal" weekends like that in the future.

We tried to work off the indulgences with a couple of walks on the beach. Maggie loved every second of it. She had her "happy face" on the entire time.

CD16 - the latest plan

Heard back from the coordinator today (who again answered the phone on my first attempt!) - current plan looks like:
10/30 - bloodwork for co-culture
10/31 - endo biopsy for co-culture + pre-op appt
11/2 - lap surgery

So it looks like I'll be spending the whole week up in NYC!

And I'm waiting to hear back from the IVF nurse (who also answered the phone immediately! and has a v. cool accent) about the protocol/dates, which theoretically starts right up after the lap.

I'm going to go & crash. I haven't slept well this week and I just got back from a Habitat for Humanity build and I'm just exhausted! Only thing I *really* need to do today is to pack for our NJ trip tomorrow...I can do that later tonight, right? ;)

And I think the reality of my grandmother's condition will hit me when we see her this weekend (got the "reserved" bedroom back BTW). I'm still in denial right now...

Here is a pic of her back in happier days -- smiling & getting down at our wedding (dancing with my dad's girlfriend):

CD15 - I surged today

After all of the confusing semi-dark OPK tests I finally got a nice & dark one today at work. Which means that I can't do the co-culture biopsy on 11/2 -- it'd be too late in my cycle (needs to be no more than 12 days past my LH surge). I called the coordinator who surprisingly answered on my first attempt (I've heard she can be difficult to track down). She said that I can do the biopsy on 10/31 but she's not sure about when I can do the lap. She was going to check with the doctor after he got out of surgery and give me a call tomorrow with the plan. I'm really hoping we can squeeze this all in the next 2 weeks...

Smarshy's summer vacation pic has me looking at old vacation pics now...and remembering the good 'ole days before IF was hanging over our every move, including vacations. We looked so happy...

CD14 - yuck

these little pink lines on the OPKs are killing me -- they've been getting darker & darker today and as of tonight are *almost* as dark as the control line...meaning that I will probably surge soon. a little too soon to get into this upcoming cycle schedule with the new RE (their lab is shut down right now)...probably pushing us out to January for IVF#3. we did our first IVF last January and I really didn't enjoy that time of year - bad cold, bad weather, bad embryos, yuck. :(

and it seems like my least favorite aunt is flying into town this coming weekend and kicking us out of our "reserved" bedroom at my grandmother's house. and my dad said my grandmother is getting more & more weak. yuck.

yuck. yuck. yuck.

----

update/question for OPK pros:

will the test line definitely be darker than the control line when you surge? the last three tests over the past 18hrs have been really dark...did I surge?

test results

I just got back some of the results back from our testing earlier this month - everything so far looks normal except for elevated white blood cells...

> my karotype results came back normal - and good to know that I AM in fact a female for anyone who was wondering
> still waiting on DH's karotype results
> elevated white blood cells - from a cold? I think I did have a sore throat back then...or is it some other underlying infection?
> T4 (free) = 1.46
> TSH = 1.36 (came back as 0.8 a week later with my medical endo)
> prolactin = 9.7
> slightly elevated LDL - damn those delicious egg sandwiches
> NK cytolytic activity came back normal (8.6%) -- guess the fish oils are helping? or I had a fluke result earlier?
> RIPs all came back normal
> all APAs were in normal range

Very interesting!

Oh and I had some ovary twinges & EWCM again today...so I think I'm going to O soon. If I can make it until Thursday before LH surge then I *might* be able to do the co-culture on 10/31 (and go up the day before for the blood draw)...we'll see...

The endo biopsy for the co-culture needs to be 5-12 days past the LH surge...and the blood draw needs to happen before that...very complicated.

CD13 - stay on target

Still no surge yet - yay!

I saw that someone from NYCDoc's office tried to call me a couple of times over lunch today - but left no message. WTF? Now I'm dying to know why!

And I had a great bitch session with my boss today. *He* started off complaining about the rash of stoooopid decisions in our company lately - and then I jumped in of course. OK - so I like my boss. That makes *everything* much more bearable at work.

Not sure if I've mentioned this before but when I first told him that I'll need off some time for "a surgery" in early November (days before a huge work milestone) he didn't even blink an eye -- he just said "no problem" and went on to the next topic. My last boss asked 100000000 nosey questions to figure out what was going on. Part of me suspects that he already knows which is quite possible because a few people at work do know -- and he's friends with them. And then part of me thinks that he just really doesn't want to know - whatever it is. Either way I'm grateful that he's being so cool about it.

CD12 - mastering the OPK

I started with the overpriced, well-known brand of OPKs from the pharmacy over the weekend. And today my cheapy internet OPKs arrived -- so now I can test all I want!! To keep my obsessive-self busy I've decided to test in the AM (~11am) and also in the PM (~8pm). A watched pot never boils? Maybe a watched LH won't surge too soon then...we can hope?

Since I'm coming off of a mildly-medicated cycle, I'm hoping that I'll O a little later than my usual CD14-15 (LH surge probably CD12-14?). That has been true for the past few post-ART cycles so we'll see.

Worrying about surging too soon has made me very cranky at work. Well it's that plus the combination of stoooopid decisions that a few people have made. DH just started his new job today (yay!) and I have complete envy of his smart co-workers. I've already heard a few basic smart things that would *never* happen at my company.

For example they gave him an extra power cord for his laptop. They do that for everyone with laptops because - gasp - you probably use your laptop in multiple locations and it'd be gosh darn convenient to not have to deal with a mess of cords on a regular basis. At my company, if someone had this brilliant idea to include an extra power cord with every laptop it would be debated for months & months across 10 different departments until eventually the idea would lose steam and everyone lost interest. Good idea? Who cares.

So it sounds like I should polish up the old resume and maybe start exploring some options before I get truly disgruntled. Maybe after the holidays? Maybe after I get my bonus payout in March? Maybe after I vest in May? Maybe I can get PG and then just quit altogether? HAHAHAHA! Argh.

Well I better go & play with our restless pup who misses her doggie boyfriend. Max's "parents" got back from Greece on Saturday so we are now a one-dog household again.

sailing class

Sailing on the Potomac
Originally uploaded by Kristi & Nick.

Today was the second day of our sailing class - something I have wanted to do for a long time. Ouch - I'm sore all over. Partly from the bruises from clumsy shuffling around on the boat with the other students. And partly from my tired muscles, who aren't used to doing much of anything these days. So it's almost 8:30pm and I'm done. Ready for bed.



A little concerned about EWCM I've had today so I better go & do my OPK before I fall asleep.

CD10 - starting OPKs

Just started OPKs today to monitor for my LH surge. It feels so weird to go back to using them again. And it's been so long that I forget details about them -- when is the best time in the day to do it -- late morning? I'll have to go & research.

So now I'm just waiting to surge -- and the longer I take the more likely that I'll be able to stick to our schedule. A week from now (CD17) would be perfect. Otherwise everything will get pushed out and we probably won't be able to cycle until 2007.

Think lots of LH-surge-later thoughts. I even have my acupuncturist trying to delay ovulation. :)