10dp3dt - not looking good...

Maggie's Paw
Originally uploaded by Kristi & Nick.

I woke up early feeling very nauseous and crampy this morning and felt compelled to HPT. And just as almost every bone in my body expected, BFN. I'm strangely not upset at all. Didn't even shed a tear. I just immediately went into planning out next steps - AKA "plan B".

I think I'll do another FET (natural?) down here while waiting to get consults with some other docs. And I'll get the steroids (finally) and also do the Intralipids in Chicago for fun for that.

I do have some weird sense of focus and clarity - which is odd for me so early in the morning. But I feel like I can focus on some other life priorities today and not be so distracted by Friday's beta (which was ALL I could think about yesterday). And by some miracle I still could end up with a different beta results (possible late implanters from FET)....but that is just sooooo f'in unlikely.

I still think I might puke though -- maybe it was the frozen spanikopita I ate last night? Yuck!

And I think I am developing a dog foot fetish...Maggie must think I'm a freak for photographing her paws so much. :)

9dp3dt

Had my last luteal bloodwork today - both went down but the nurse said they are still fine and it's typical for them to fluctuate so no need to adjust meds:
E2 = 300
P4 = 29

current plans for the week are:
9/26 - acupuncture & finish a couple urgent tasks at work (last potential productive day)
9/27 - POAS (11dp3dt)
9/28 - acupuncture
9/29 - beta (13dp3dt) & leave for vacation with friends
9/31 - massage with girlfriends

I had a pretty emotional day - mostly not TTC/IF related...although that is really always there in the background, right? So overall I'm feeling pretty crappy and I'm dreading the news later this week.

Going to cuddle up with Maggie & DH and watch a movie tonight for a little escape...

Lazy Dog Weekend (8dp3dt)

Lazy Dog Days
Originally uploaded by Kristi & Nick.

We had a nice lazy weekend. I had some family come down to celebrate my b-day and we mostly just sat around - great hosts, huh? Good thing my family is laid back and doesn't care. I did get a chance to play with my new camera (b-day present!) though...poor Maggie has been a captive subject.

So in less than 5 days I will KNOW if this FET worked or not. I have been thinking about "plan B" in case I do get a BFN - which is the likely scenario.

Plan B
- drink lots of wine & eat lots of unhealthy food on our trip next weekend
- meet with RE and see if he has any brilliant ideas
- see if he will do a lap (to rule out endo)
- probably FET our last 3 embryos while waiting for other appts
- schedule consult with top NYC doc
- schedule phone consult with CA doc who specializes in immunity issues
- do a sauna detox program (acu clinic just started them)
- start intensive excercise & diet (OK - I say this after each BFN but I really mean it!)

I'm torn about POAS before the beta (on 13dp3dt). I definitely will before the blood test because I want to be prepared for the phone call. But do I wait all of the way until Friday? My "rule" is wait until 11dp3dt (Wed) because by then it should be pretty clear one way or another. But then again I love to break rules. So I'm left with a question - when should I test? I would have to go into knowing that my little la-la-la fantasy is likely to be over...and I'm not quite ready for that.

Maybe I'll just focus on sending Serenity some positive thoughts for her soon-to-be-thawed embryos!! :)

6dp3dt - zero symptoms

The TH is sold and now officially off of our list of worries!! Phewwwww!! Not sure if we'll do another residential investment property after this, but we did learn a lot. It's just a huge relief to not have to deal with it anymore!!! It seems that all of the issues hanging over our heads a few months ago keep getting resolved. Still don't know what will happen with our biggest issue (IF), but if we did get PG this cycle then we'll be beyond estatic. I can't even think of a word that expresses how happy & relieved we would be.

So I am 6dp3dt (3w2d) and feeling NO symptoms from the PIO or Estrace. Not a single cramp. Boobs feel underinflated. Stomach doesn't feel bloated. Nothing. Nada.

Well I do have one issue. It appears that I had some kind of reaction to the PIO. The side of my butt/hip that we did three mornings ago started to feel really really itchy yesterday. And when I got home and looked in the mirror I realized it was really red & raised up and also had a big blister. So we've been skipping that side now -- it seems a little better today but still itchy. The other side seems OK so we'll keep abusing it for now. Anyone experience something this? I haven't and this is the third cycle we've used it...

Anyway I wouldn't expect a lot of symptoms from the natural FET but do expect something from the PIO/Estrace in the 2WW...

Acu tomorrow and bloodwork on Monday.

5dp3dt - la la la...

Dinner was nice. I was a big idiot though and didn't read the menu closely. NOT a good thing to do at a seafood restaurant when you have shellfish allergies. So I had to send my dinner back and ask for a less-deadly version. Ooops! But the waiter was super nice and even gave us little anniversary gift at the end (a mug, copy of the special anniversary menu - thanks for reminding me of my error, and also a box of yummy cookies!).

Last night we also watched our wedding DVD and laughed at ourselves for looking like goofballs. And I want to go through our honeymoon pics tonight!!

I love the leather frame and briefcase ideas (esp. for DH's new job!)! And we came up with two other ideas last night. DH said he found a leather map that looked cool (for our subtle travel-inspired living room). And we have been drooling over a leather armchairs for years now so we're thinking about getting rid of our TV in the living room and putting a nice chair/ottoman in its place. So I think we're going to go shopping for our gifts together this weekend. :)

just for kicks here is my fav wedding pic (which somehow reminds me of Renoir's dancers):


and where I'd love to be right now -- relaxing on our honeymoon in Greece:


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We did our PIOs before bed for our two previous cycles. But when we first started doing them for this FET the morning was better for us schedule-wise and we've stuck with it. It's actually how the nurses say to do them. And it's turned out to be much easier because we're not too tired in the AM.

After yesterday's hormone check (E2 = 363; P4 = 40) they asked me to bump up Estradiol to 3x per day (6 pills today). My pill box is going to explode!

Here is the new med schedule spread out throughout the day:

Levoxyl (1 hour before food)
PIO
--
antibiotic (with breakfast but with no other pills)
--
2 Estradiol, prenatal, 3 fish oil, CoQ10
--
2 Estradiol
--
antibiotic (with dinner but with no other pills)
--
2 Estradiol, prenatal, 3 fish oil, Vitamin E, Vitamin C, baby aspirin
--
progesterone suppository
Chinese herbs

I wrote up a little schedule to remind myself!

---

La la la...still pregnant until proven otherwise...and just to really play it out I plugged in some dates into a due date calculator - it said I am theoretically 3w1d today and due on 6/6/07. And heartbeat could first be detected on 10/18/06. La la la...I can't heeeeear you, reality!!!

4dp3dt - Dear Embryo(s), you are cordially invited to implant...

Today our embyros (if they are still alive) are 1 week old. They are hopefully hatching and starting to think about implanting in the next day or two. Maybe if I'm polite to them, they will stick around?

So we are having an anniversary dinner tonight (I borrowed the restaurant idea from SoCo!). The first in our restaurant celebration marathon...we've picked out a few different places that we either really like or want to try and we're going to hit them over the next week or so. Good thing because I haven't felt like cooking much in the past few days.

DH and I were talking about leather gifts last night -- it's tough! Any suggestions? I really don't want a purse (yes - I'm not a normal girl); he doesn't need a wallet. Are shoes too unromantic? That was the only thing we came up with so far (DH is on a shoe kick right now after our Nordstrom's shopping day out in Seattle). And I won't even mention what DH really wanted to get! ;)

So I'm getting practically no work done today. Unlike Smarshy's high brain-power work environment the illusion here is that people only do about 10% of work and spend 90% of their time making it LOOK like they're getting something done. ;) Which is good for me on days like this but not good when I do care about work. Maybe I should go back to consulting after all...

Would it be weird to put the pic of our embryos on the back of my work badge? People around here do that with pics of their kids and dogs. And probably weirder if I put together a brag book with all of our embryo pics to show them off.

"Here was the very first batch of embies: A, B, and C. Think they look like me or DH? Aren't they so cute? And here is G, H, I, and J. I love their dimples - errr wait - that's fragmentation. Awwww - but I love them anyway."

I have to admit that I HAVE been carrying around our little pic of the embryos, BUT I've kept it hidden and only peek at it every now & then. ;)

So I still am floating around in this little bubble of hope & pretending like I'm 2.5w PG. I think I just really really needed to feel happy for a little while. So I'm going to pretend while I can...

My acu session was nice last night -- completely different set of points now (I think heart and gall bladder to keep everything in & strong?). And I can't get out of there without falling asleep. It's actually more like half-sleeping.

And I'm wondering if my warm & fuzzy feeling is because we're doing the PIO shots in the morning now? On previous cycles we've always done them in the evenings... Just a theory...

Anyway, off to buy an anniversary card -- and I will refrain from signing it "spark + G/H/I/J"...

2dp3dt - hope & celebration

"Women are like tea bags. They don't know how strong they are until they get into hot water."
Eleanor Roosevelt

This is by far my favorite quote of all time...and I've discovered it under the caps of the two Honest Teas that I had over this past week weekend. I also included this quote on the invitation to a ladies tea that I hosted prior to our wedding. It was a little non-traditional - I hosted it at a Chinese tea house (Ching Ching Cha in Georgetown for anyone in the area). Anyway, that quote (and jasmine oolong tea) will always remind me of that special time with all of the woman in my family & close female friends.

Well so far I'm really enjoying the 2WW - strange I know. But I'm just loving the possibilities right now. 99% of the year I feel like it can't/won't happen...but now I can think that it might! I'm going to ignore that I have next week's beta hanging over my head and I just want to enjoy these days where I really really might be PG and still have HOPE. And keeping that hope is the main reason why I won't POAS too too early. I've done that on earlier cycles and felt prematurely robbed of my happiness.

So I'm going to keep the hope and enjoy some of the upcoming celebrations this week:

1. Today my husband is accepting an incredible job offer. It's with a highly respected company in his industry, it's about a mile from our house (along with minimal travel - which is great for consulting), and it's nice pay increase. So yay, yay, yay! He's been with his current employer for over 10 years so this is a big step for him. And I love seeing him excited about this opportunity.

2. Wednesday is our 3rd anniversary. On this very day (9/18) three years ago Hurricane Isabel was hitting the DC area and I was very nervous about what was going to happen with our wedding. We were fortunate that our wedding location -- and tea house and RD location -- all didn't lose power!! DH had to get ready via candlelight because our TH (we were living there at that time) still didn't have power, but he didn't cut himself shaving or anything so it was fine. And all of our friends who were flying in were able to make it -- some had to be rerouted but everyone showed up in the end! So we feel very fortunate that we had such a wonderful day despite the hurricane.

Thanks to squarepeg for noting down that leather is the traditional gift for 3rd anniversaries! Now I just need to think of a good gift!!

3. Friday we are closing on the townhouse. It has been on the market for a looong time and we're happy to be done with that. We'll take the money and run! Not carrying a second mortgage will feel oh so nice to our saving account...which has been feeling mightly neglected lately.

4. Saturday is my 34th birthday! I'm wondering if I'll get pregnant after I reach "advanced maternal age" (35). I also wonder if we would have babies already if we met & got married much younger. And then I think of how immature I was and I probably would have been a jerk to DH back then. He is a sweetheart and back then I was attracted to the asshole type.


So I guess we better make some dinner plans to celebrate soon!!

all quiet on the womb front

I am amazed at just how little I feel after the ET. I guess with fresh IVF cycles my ovaries are still all jacked up causing some twinges...but I feel absolutely nothing going on down there after our FET. It's actually a nice calmness. I had some crampiness for about a week leading up to the ET but now it's all quiet. Maybe it was the acu? Maybe the valium & motrin? Anyway, I'm enjoying it. :)

I had an OhShit! moment last night when I thought about the possibility of all four embryos implanting. I know it's highly highly unlikely, but it is a possibility. But I have the feeling that in addition to our implantation issues (NKCs, LPD, thyroid, etc.) that our embies are also chromosomally-challenged (aneuploid).

They just don't look all that great.

Instead of this perfect 8-cell example:


We have these embryos that only a mother could love:


So that's the situation. If we have any implant at all I'll be estatic (beyond estatic). And if too many implant, then we'll have to deal with that when the time comes. But for now I'm just hoping for ANY!

ET - babies on board!

Nick and I were joking around that I need to wear around one of those obnoxious yellow "baby on board" signs now. ;)

Today went very smoothly -- my first acupuncture session (and valium) made me very very relaxed. And the second acu session turned me into jelly.

So they thawed the two double straws and all four embyros survived. They were each 8-cells before freezing. And seemed to recover fairly well from the thaw (1 did really well, 2 did fine, and one clung on). There were two grade 1.5s and two grade 2s.

# cells when thawed -> # cells at transfer
8 -> 9
6 -> 8
6 -> 8
3 -> 6

We debated on whether to transfer 3 vs. 4 with the RE and the embryologist. Given that we've been aggressive in the past with zero luck (0 for 6) we decided to transfer all 4. The RE said "After all of my experience I'd say there is no way you'd end up with 4. And if you end up with 4 then I'll quit. OK I won't really quit but I'll think that I should quit." Anyway it was really funny. (it was the other RE who is really, really funny)

So welcome to our babies on board: G, H, I, J

Hope you stick around for the full ride!!!

(I'll scan in the pic when I wake up a bit more)

transfer is tomorrow (Saturday AM)!!!

I can't believe our transfer is TOMORROW!! I'm so nervous/excited!! I did just get an acupuncture treatment (with spinal heat packs) to calm me down. I feel alseep on the table it was so relaxing. I woke myself up when I started snoring - oops! Thank you allergies!

So we've been doing the PIO for a couple of days now -- and we've been slackers about it. In previous cycles we had an extensive routine for prepping & minimizing soreness. This time we just wing it and I've been noticing a difference - my tush/hip is already sore. Guess I better start getting back into the routine -- especially using the heating pad and heating up the PIO first.

I also started doxy and estradiol today. The number of pills I'm taking right now is ridiculous!! Although today is my last day for a few things...

Since I got a copy of my records after IVF#2 I have some notes on our frozen embryos. It's been five months and I can't wait to "see" them again. There are (7) 8-cell embryos that are held on (5) different straws -- so (2) doubles and (3) singles. Five are rated 1.5 and two are 2. I'm hoping the embryologist is a tough grader (they did saw that they are strict with what they freeze). :

Guess I should have asked more about the thaw process -- I assume they start in the AM -- according to this sheet they will use the Biogenics A2 method. Hope that's a good one. :)

And my transfer got pushed back until 10:30 - which is good because it gives me more time to take a shower & go to the acupuncturist.