The system board on my laptop died last night and I won't get a loaner until tomorrow (hopefully)...so I spent almost all day OFFline... It was a very odd feeling.
Anyway, I'll catch up tomorrow when I get access again!
Off to do our first PIO for this cycle!! And my acupuncturist is really kicking it into gear now! :)
I've been working on this post for a week or so...Serenity's 100 gave me inspiration to finish it up...
1. I had a hard time thinking of a blog name.
2. I searched high and low for a wise quote for inspiration.
3. Instead of finding inspiration from a great philosopher or leader, I found inspiration in Robin Williams (yes, Mork/Mrs. Doubtfire)
4. But the quirkiness suits me.
5. I hate shopping - especially at the mall. Not that I don't enjoy spending money…
6. I have always felt more comfortable with guy friends instead of girl friends.
7. Even my best girl friends have had typical "guy" qualities (really enjoy being single & picking up guys at a bar, electronics guru, very bold, very successful in a male-dominated industry, etc.).
8. I never felt out of place as a female engineering student in college and grad school.
9. For some reason I liked the extra geeky classes, thermo & stats.
10. Even today, I get a thrill out of geeky things at work like Excel & Powerpoint.
11. I work for a large financial company now, but felt more at home working for a small internet startup.
12. I even played Age of Empires with the geeky startup engineers. And loved it. (how embarrassing)
13. I loved playing lacrosse back in HS and college more. I miss team sports.
14. And I still love skiing and sailing today.
15. I feel so alive with the wind in my hair.
16. And feel great peace with the sound of moving water (e.g. stream, filling bath, waves).
17. I take my dog for hikes off leash to a stream near our house. It is peaceful until you go under the GW Parkway. But it does have a nice view of the Potomac.
18. I love the smell of my dog. Even when she gets that doggy dog smell.
19. Dog hair doesn't bother me. On my clothes. On the floor. On the bed. Doesn’t matter.
20. But then again, I am a slob.
21. I occasionally do have freakishly OCD organizational spurts.
22. I joined a sorority to try to have more girl friends. It was not a typical catty sorority though.
23. My biological sister and I aren't very close. We have a difficult time relating to each other.
24. My parents were hippies when we were young.
25. If I was born a boy they would have named me Oblio, after the main character in the hippie movie The Point!
26. Then my parents were yuppies when we got older. They were much less interesting & much less happy then.
27. They divorced around 10 years ago after about 30 years of marriage.
28. Now they are getting back to their free-spirit ways and seem much much happier.
29. I am intrigued by the simple living concept (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simple_living), but I'm much too lazy to ever do it seriously.
30. We have 5 refrigerators and 7 TVs in our house right now. I don’t think we’re ready for Simple Living at the moment.
31. I try to eat organic food whenever possible.
32. My acupuncturist is also guiding me in choosing Eastern balanced foods (e.g., good mix of salty, sweet, hot, sour, etc.).
33. My downfall is that I really, really love Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie ice cream.
34. We visited the B&J Factory when we were in Vermont last year.
35. We rented a cabin in Stowe, VT for a dog-friendly vacation.
36. My simple living fantasy is based in Vermont. Or Italy.
37. Two years ago we rented a villa in Chianti/Tuscany and invited some friends & family.
38. I am extremely afraid of spiders. The biggest, fastest spider in the world lived in our villa.
39. I love a great Brunello. Or Super Tuscan.
40. After the startup company went under, I spent a couple months with friends in Europe.
41. We were on a ferry to Mallorca on 9/11 - we watched the tragic news in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish so it was very confusing.
42. I was with friends from Manhattan & LA and at that time it was publicized that there were attacks in NYC, DC, and LA – so we all thought our home towns were being attacked.
43. For the rest of the trip we pretended like we were Canadians. Eh?
44. I LOVE traveling.
45. I used to travel a lot for work as an IT consultant.
46. But traveling for work Monday through Friday to a boring town in the middle of nowhere is not so much fun.
47. So I quit that job about 5 years ago. And just finished up the last of my beloved frequent flyer miles for our trip to Seattle this summer.
48. My all-time favorite mountain for skiing is Alta. And Snowbird next door for snowboarding.
49. At my startup I was the PM for the SLC Winter Olympics website.
50. My husband and I went to The Winter Games and had a great time.
51. My husband even proposed on that trip.
52. We still have a brick with our names on it in SLC. "N & K, Vous et nul Autre"
53. Our wedding ceremony was on a rooftop overlooking the White House.
54. It was two days after Hurricane Isabel struck DC. Since the power was still out at home my husband got ready for our wedding by candlelight.
55. I am not religious and am shocked at the intolerance demonstrated by some religions.
56. I guess I don't really believe in religions because men created them all. Why is one person's interpretation of "the rules" any more correct than someone else's?
57. I do deeply believe in honesty and integrity and feel deeply offended when those values are broken.
58. I also believe in keep right, pass left and feel deeply offended when that rule is broken.
59. I grew up in New Jersey. Exit 4. Spent all of my summers on the beach.
60. I went to elementary school, middle school, and high school with Kelly Ripa (she was 1 year ahead of me).
61. I went to college in New York State in the Finger Lakes area.
62. I went sky diving in college.
63. I am vertically challenged.
64. I love Jane Austen - in particular Pride & Prejudice. I even took a literature class covering her books at Georgetown last year.
65. I am a pizza slut - I'll eat any kind, anywhere, any time. Cold NY style is the best.
66. My first concert was A-Ha in Philly.
67. I played many instruments in junior high & high school, including bass guitar.
68. I recently started to learn to play acoustic guitar...mostly to play our wedding processional Vivaldi's Guitar Concerto in D.
69. I love craft projects.
70. Currently I'm collecting knitting supplies. It's scary how many needles and yarns I have given that I haven't finished a project yet.
71. By nature I am an ESTP. But my job brings out the N and J in me by necessity.
72. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
73. I do want to open a wine / gelato bar. Maybe I'd serve paninis and wood-oven pizzas too.
74. Autumn is my favorite season (my birthday is the official start).
75. I love the crisp, aromatic air.
76. Most of the year I love lattes (sometimes iced), but in the fall I have to go for chai tea lattes.
77. I love playing hearts & spades.
78. I am VERY competitive, especially with games.
79. Not sure why but I am usually disgusted by weakness & neediness (one of my biggest faults).
80. Growing up I was fiercely independent (even as a toddler according to my parents).
81. I am also very impatient.
82. I broke my leg skiing in 2nd grade because I was trying too hard to cut across a trail.
83. I have been extremely healthy throughout most of my life.
84. Ironically I used to be very proud of my strong immune system.
85. Now I despise it (I have elevated natural killer cells that might be attacking our embryos).
86. My mom breastfed me until I was 18 months. And I wonder if that was why my immune system was so strong.
87. I have always owned a Honda/Acura (and so has my family). Now I want an impractical/unreliable/unsafe little roadster. Something likely to break down.
88. My husband and I built a home theater in our basement.
89. We are not really into movies.
90. But I love classic movies. And cheezy 80s movies.
91. I am very out of shape right now – too many “good excuses” at the moment to eat better and workout more.
92. Food is one of my key methods to deal with stress and depression right now.
93. I used to like my food baby – it was almost like having a PG belly. But now it just seems gross.
94. I really like Pilates once I start. The inertia is hard to overcome.
95. I am a night owl and have the most energy/focus between 12-3am.
96. But I can sleep like a log.
97. My drink of the summer was a gin & tonic - so refreshing!
98. I drank way too much in my mid-20s. I don’t think my liver has forgiven me yet.
99. My tolerance is so low these days I get drunk off of just one and end up with a horrible hangover.
100. I wish that I had a really great excuse to NOT drink right now.
So I triggered last night about 30 seconds before we left to go to the Redskins game. Our friends were actually waiting downstairs for us when we did it and our dog was bouncing around on the bed. DH is such a pro with a steady hand that I didn't even feel it at all!
We tailgated and had fun with our friends...but I am not a fan of all of the drunken freaks and second-hand smoke. I'm lobbying to go to fewer games next year and do club level. ;)
Anyway I'll start PIO (AM) and suppositories (PM) on Wednesday. Then go back in on Friday for bloodwork. And then Saturday morning is the big day! Our embryo transfer is currently scheduled for 9:30am but that will get pushed back if the RE needs to do any time-sensitive retrievals. I'm turning into a valium junkie and can't wait to take it!! :P
I was planning to host a wine club event at my house on Saturday, but now I'm thinking I need to postpone it. At first I thought I could ask my DH and the co-host to handle most everything (so I could lounge around), but it's probably better to postpone it. Although I can't really do it until October...
And my beta will probably be scheduled for 9/30, but we'll be out of town -- debating whether to push it earlier (and risk being sad for our mini-vacation with friends) or wait until after the trip (which is really really late 17dp3dt)...
Looks like my ovaries partied it up over the weekend and now I have nice big fat 19mm follicle!! And my lining looked "gorgeous" - triple stripe & 11+mm. When the RE saw my lining he got all excited and said "I want to get those embryos in there RIGHT NOW!"
Anyway the RE thinks we'll trigger tonight!!!! I stopped by the pharmacy on the way to work to get a refill. And depending what time we need to do it we might need to bring it with us to the football game tonight. :)
So I *think* that I'll be starting some form of progesterone in the next day or two and the transfer will be 4.5 days after the trigger (our frozen embryos are 3 day). I'm assuming I'll get more details with my phone call this afternoon.
And my emotional rollercoaster reached a new peak - I was so overcome by my feelings of HOPE that I cried on the way to the pharmacy. This might actually work!
No more hives -- ended up taking Benadryl at work because I was so itchy.
My follicles are a teeny tiny bit bigger -- I now have a 13mm & 14mm...and my lining is like 8.1mm or something like that... RE is still optimistic but my doubts grow each day (unlike my follicles). Also I've been having menstrual-like cramping for the past couple of days. That concerns me as well.
Just realized that I don't have an hCG shot on hand so I'll need to ask for a script for that.
Oh and the granite does not look that good. I compromised when I picked out the slab -- I chose convenience over what I really wanted and now I'm going to have to live with the wrong choice now. I'm angry at myself about it and out of that DH and I just got in a big fight about it.
I also read The Infertility Cure book a little more today and now I'm wondering if my TCM herbs were keeping me from suppressing on the Lupron? She's not adjusting my herbs as much as the book indicates (e.g., with each phase of my cycle). So now I'm doubting my acupuncturist and the herbalist...
So here I am now -- a big mess of anger/frustration/sadness -- all mixed into one. I don't feel like going grocery shopping or cooking. I don't feel like going for a hike with my dog. I don't really feel like doing much at all right now. Ugh...
**** update ****
Apparently I'm an emotional mess these days. Sometime about going to the RE makes me nuts. Anyway after a nice cry session I'm back to normal now. And I'm looking forward to cooking, hiking, etc. And hubbie and I are friends again...we're actually going to go grocery shopping together now.
I'm also going to start asking for the hormone levels -- E2 = 119; P4 = .5
And I go back in on Monday.
I woke up this morning with a hives all over my body and phlegm in the back of my throat - and I can't clear it out. It makes me wonder if something is happening with immune system right now? Are they related? I wonder if I should get my NKs rechecked again...
Anyway, this is all overshadowed by the fact that today is FRIDAY! TGIF!!!!!!!!!
This weekend we have some fun stuff planned:
- RE appt (maybe not "fun" but interesting)
- acupuncture / Qi Gong session
- make moussaka for a GTG for a TTC board (haven't made it in a long time! gotta remember how to sweat those eggplants!)
- meet people from TTC board (little nervous meeting them in person -- I'm very shy at first)
- get granite installed in basement
- finish the doors/drawer fronts for the cabinets
- prep for Monday night football/tailgate (it's been a while so we'll have to dig out all of our supplies)
Off to research allergies...
Well my ovaries aren't nearly as happy as they were on Lupron - it's CD11 and I still don't have a dominant follicle... And this AM it looked like I had less # of follicles than 2 days ago...and my largest ones don't seem any bigger (12-13mm)... My lining did get a little thicker (8mm).
Funny because last night I had a dream that we got pregnant and woke up all hopeful and positive about this cycle. I think I was actually smiling on my way over to the RE's office.
Easy come, easy go.
***update***
Wow - that was a little melodramatic, huh? I should NOT post immediately when I get back from the RE's office. There still is hope of course, but I wish my ovaries would kick in a bit right now!
I go back on Saturday (CD13) again for another look.
These natural FETs are almost...boring...compared to a fresh or even medicated cycle. I went in again today (CD9) for another peek. I have a few follicles that are starting to grow (between 11-13) and my lining is looking good (7).
And there's really nothing for me to do except to wait and then go back in for another visit in a few days. No adjustments to meds. Hey - no meds! No needles. Lots of pills but that's my own choice (fish oils + baby aspirin + prenatals + COQ10). I don't have to write anything down on a calendar. I really don't need to do anything at all.
I'm not really complaining - it's just that I don't know what to do with myself. Normally all of my energy would be focused on planning out my shots & making lots of notes about how my follicles are doing. But now I have all of this extra mental energy. Maybe I need a hobby or something. :)
Given that our latest home project (finishing the bar in the basement) is almost done AND my big work project is over -- I'm really going to have a lot of time on my hands.
What should I do with my fall? Here is my latest list of what I'd like to do...
- take sailing lessons with DH (I've been sailing since I was a kid but he is a newbie - thought it'd be a nice refresher for me & a good start for him)
- take a photography class (I think I'm finally getting a digital SLR for my b-day -- it'd be nice to know how to use it)
- finish a knitting project -- I have a few that needs some TLC
- actually attend my bookclub!
- start playing my guitar again - or should I say "playing"
- take an agility class with our dog
- adopt a second dog
- plan out our ski trip & Greece trip for next year
- go camping with friends
- try some new restaurants
- have a partay in our new basement
- organize our photos (physically & electronically)
- host our wine club (this is already planned)
Notice the blatant lack of IF-related activities. No researching new theories on implantation failure. No additional controversial testing.
I'm going to try to enjoy the free time as much as possible!!
I was pleasantly surprised at yesterday's RE appt. I went in expecting that my body was still misbehaving and I'd just get cancelled again. But my ovaries have calmed down and everything looked like it should for early part of the cycle. So I go back in again tomorrow (Tuesday, CD9) for another peek.
Glad to be in the game at least!
...and I love long weekends...and I love taking off Fridays...so I'm feeling pretty good right about now. AND I'm not feeling nearly as sorry for myself today. :) I'm still doubtful about the cycle, but we'll just wait to see how things look on Sunday.
I've given up on my anti-inflammatory diet for this cycle -- too many of my fav comfort foods were on my no-no list. But I'm still taking my supplements (now ramped up to 3g of fish oil) and my acupuncturist just gave a jacked up dose of herbs.
So this weekend I'm going to refocus my energies on finishing up our bar in the basement. I actually just picked out the granite this AM - fun! And then next week I'm going to try to dive into my new job. Let's see if distract myself with some everyday life activities.
September will be filled with other distractions as well. My birthday (34th I think?). Our anniversary (3rd). Trip to St. Michael's with friends. Settle on townhouse. Dog sit for a friend. The official start of my fav season.
TGIF.
