life back to normal (?)

Where to begin. I've been a bad blogger and haven't posted any recent updates. Here was my update that I was going to post last week:

Life is back to normal.

The bleeding/cramping tapered off earlier this week and now I'm barely spotting. So I'm hoping that the SCH has healed. We will get another peek at it on Monday when we go back to the same radiology center for our nuchal translucency scan. I feel much more comfortable seeing them for this scan than the MFM doctor who seemed all doped up. I don't need any measurements to be off for this one.

The doppler (from Dynamic Dopplers) has been a HUGE confidence booster. I listen for Fish almost every morning and it's always such a relief to know that he's still there. I might even donate the rest of my meds to a friend in the next week or two - how's that for confidence.

Aside from having to squeeze my bloated self into work clothes (ugh) I've been feeling pretty good. And is it really possible that my home scale is 15 lbs off from the doctor's scale? Yikes! Better calibrate that again. But I'm eating a lot less now so hopefully I won't pack on too many pounds too soon.

At first I thought that Fish was a boy. We did ICSI...I had low betas...no major morning sickness. And for whatever reason I always thought we would have a boy. But then Fish's heartrate has been fairly high (170s) so now I'm wondering if Fish is really a girl.

Guess it's not going to be an easy ride

This past week I was starting to feel a lot more confidant in the pregnancy. I said "pregnant" outloud. I ordered a doppler to listen to Fish's heartbeat. I lurked on regular (non-IF) pregnancy boards. I even ordered thank you gifts for both of my REs. I planned to tell another friend this coming weekend when she was in town. I was starting to come up with a list of possible vacation spots for the spring. I smiled a lot. And then I had a very earth-shaking experience yesterday.

(warning - might be TMI)

Right around noon I felt some wetness in my undies - thought it was just a progesterone suppository leaking or something. About ten minutes later I finally made my way to the bathroom to find my undies & pants completely soaked in bright red blood. Yikes! I went into automatic mode - just need to get out of work. So I snuck back to my desk because I didn't want to explain the giant red crotch to anyone at work. I threw on my long coat on to cover up and headed out to my car.

In the car I called my OB's office - they had just closed for lunch so I said it was a medical emergency to get through to someone. The nurse was very calm and got me an appt only 1/2 hour later at radiology place nearby so I headed over there - starting sob as everything was sinking in. As I waited in the waiting room I could feel the blood continuing to soak my pants and I started to feel nauseous. Finally they took me back to change into a gown - blood was running down my legs and dripping onto the floor - seeing it made me feel hopeless about the situation. After everything that we had gone through to get to that point - I didn't know if I could do it again.

The radiologist was super nice and took a general look around first (ovaries, etc). My heart was pounding. Finally he zoomed in on my ute. And I thought I saw a flicker. I did! Turns out that Fish is still alive - heart is beating (165 bpm) and he's measuring exactly to date (9w5d). He was even moving around like a little gummy bear. OMG.

The radiologist brings in the senior doctor and he shows me a subchorionic bleed close to my cervix - outside of the gestational sac. So the baby is fine for now but my OB would probably want to restrict my activity.

My OB only recommended pelvic rest and no heavy lifting - most of the time these will resolve on their own. But some reading on SCHs it sounds like most people are on bedrest. So I put myself on bedrest for the rest of the week.

Today was much better. Bleeding has slowed down a lot and has started to turn brown (good signs). Also my doppler arrived and I was able to find Fish's heartbeat in about 10 minutes - a relief since I know it's early. It was a bit high though - low 180s. Hopefully he's OK. At least I know he's there.

I'm a bit nervous about possible complications in the future - increased risk of m/c, pre-term labor, and placental abruption (relevant study) - but given that the bleed looked relatively small and was close to my cervix (not further up the ute) I'm hoping that things will work out for the best.

But it's was definitely quite the scare. Off to pull out the doppler again...

when to tell

DH and I have been debating on when to tell various people about Fish.

When we had our first BFP there were a slew of people on IF message boards and blogland who knew immediately. Along with a few close people in real life who knew we were cycling.

And then after hearing the heartbeat last week we started to spill the beans to immdiate family and some other people who knew that we were going through IVF but didn't know specifics. I still haven't told my parents yet because I'm not really sure how to bring it up on the phone. "Maggie is going to be a big sister" - will they just think that we're adopting another dog? Need to work on that one. I did just tell another groups of friends today - it was very touching.

I'm assuming that we will want to tell more people after our nuchal translucency test in early Feb (~12w). We should also hear the heartbeat via doppler at that point. So I think after that we'll start breaking the news to the rest of our families and friends. And might even talk to my boss about it.

So I guess that's our plan to tell people. I'm sure there are a million ways that people handle that.

The OB visit on Monday (8w3d) was completely uneventful - just a brief consult and a PAP smear. The worst part was the scale - which is soooo far off from our home scale - it's scary. Maybe we need a new scale. I knew there wouldn't be an u/s because they only do those on Wednesdays (LOL!). But we did get signed up for the NT scan in about a month.

I am still feeling a mix of nausea and intense hunger - along with exhaustion and bathroom extremes. But I can only handle a small-medium amount of food at a time - I had a larger lunch today and now I can't move. So I end up eating a little bit of food - but it's ALL day long. Fish might have a new name - tapeworm. So I'm going to up my exercise a bit - more walking with Maggie & starting a prenatal yoga DVD. Hopefully that keeps me from ballooning up too much too soon.

One good thing is that work has been very busy ('tis the season for planning/budgeting) so I haven't had a lot of time to dwell on what ifs. And time has gone by much faster.

I'm hoping to stop PIOs soon - waiting for a call back on that one. Mostly because DH will be out of town soon - going to Vegas for a conference. Poor him. :) But I'm hoping that I won't need to ask someone else to do the shots while he's gone - that seems very complicated.

Anyway, it's been nice to re-enter the world again and feel like we're connecting with family and friends again.

7w5d - phew!! (2nd u/s)

Unfortunately work got busy this afternoon after I got back and didn't have time to post an update. Sorry! :(

Fish is alive! (pic) And measuring pretty close to age (7w2-3d vs. 7w5d).  So he has made a little progress in the last two weeks - he was 3-4d behind at our 1st u/s. We saw and heard the heartbeat flicker (so cool) as well but the doc didn't give us the heart rate.  He said everything is fine so I assume/hope it's OK.
 
He doesn't really look like a fish anymore - more like a blob inside a chili pepper.  Unfortunately the dr gave us a copy of a blurry pic - when he was showing us the heartbeat up close it was a very clear image of what was the baby blob and what was the yolk sac. So cool!
 
Does the gestational sac look weird?  It looks like it filled up the whole inside of my ute.  I didn't think to ask at the time, but is that normal? Most other pics that I've seen are nice round sacs.

And it turns out that the doped-up doc is actually the head of maternal-fetal medicine at our hospital! He seemed much better this time! LOL!

So first OB visit will now be on Monday - 8w3d. I'm still in shock!!

7w4d - Happy New Year!

We had such a great weekend. On Saturday we had about 12 people over for a bowl game. I love cooking & baking so I enjoyed all of the prep. And it was fun to hang out until exhaustion took over. I actually snuck upstairs and took a nap for the second half - guess I'm not the best hostess.

And then Sunday we went over to a friend's house and played games all night. No one even noticed that I wasn't drinking. We laughed & laughed (until I cried) and had a great time catching up with friends.

We talked about the future. We started to look up DH's paternity leave (none) to see how vacation we can squeeze in before August. I might have slipped out a few "WHEN blah blah"s instead of "IF blah blah"s.

Over the whole weekend, my queasy/nauseous feelings grew stronger. Cool. I was sucking down saltines & ginger ale like no one's business. Still felt something growing in the ute.

In the wee hours of New Year's Day my DH and I were both moaning about our upset stomachs. He stayed in bed and I had to rush to the bathroom for imminent puking. Sitting up seemed to help my stomach though and I just sat there wondering why I got the raw deal even though I didn't drink. DH should be in there puking since he got a nice buzz earlier. ;)

But that was the last that I have felt bad. Since then (after sleeping 12 hours) I have felt great! No upset stomach at all. No more bloating - I even fit into my work pants again. No more nasal congestion. No twinges in the ute. My cervix is very low and not sensitive (unlike when I had that first u/s my cervix was very sensitive). I almost feel like going for a run. I am energized and haven't felt this good in a long time. Shit.

I *completely* understand that PG symptoms will come and go. However - it would be nice if they didn't all go away at the same time. The very day before our next ultrasound to check on Fish. Ack!